This is hard for me to write.
Let me begin by saying upfront, I am NOT saying Catholicism is bad. I am NOT saying that it doesn’t lead to a relationship with Christ. I am only saying that Catholicism only paints a narrow picture of who God is and what He wants from us.
With that being said, I was raised Catholic. And make no mistake about it, I was a good Catholic. I went to Mass at least once a week, sometimes two or three times a week. I said a Hail Mary everytime I got in my car; I fasted on the High Holy Days, and I even collected rosaries! I enjoyed the culture associated with Catholicism.
Then, I met Jesus.
I gave up Catholicism a year ago because I knew God wanted something more of me. I knew there had to be more than all these rules and regulations and that culture. I fell in love with Jesus and when I did, I realized He just wanted my heart. He really couldn’t care less if I was in church on Sunday or if I was saying my rosary, not when it came out of obligation instead of love.
Because of my decision to have a relationship with God over a religion, I had not been inside a Catholic Church in over a year…until this past Tuesday. I spent the day by myself and after a long walk around town, I somehow ended up inside the gorgeous St. Catherine of Alexandria Cathedral.
I had expected to feel peace inside its walls. But instead, it was just….hard to be there. Saint Augustine once said, “The church is a whore, but she’s my mother,” and that’s exactly how I would describe my feelings on Tuesday. In many ways Catholicism instilled a love of God in me that would eventually lead me to accept Christ. I have a good deal of respect for it still, but I also see the many ways it is leading God’s people astray.
As I prayed through the many tumultous and mixed emotions, God spoke something pretty major to me:
Me: Jesus, I just don’t know what to feel here. I used to feel so much peace in church. I used to feel so safe here. This is where I met You.
God: You didn’t meet Me here, Sarah. You hid from Me here.
Me: I don’t understand…this was my home. This was my refuge and sanctuary.
God: Exactly. I wasn’t your refuge or sanctuary.
On one hand, I see all the problems within Catholicism, especially the idolotry and how many take the religion and neglect the most important thing, the relationship. In fact, at one point when I was sitting there, I saw an older woman kissing the hands of Jesus’ statue. But on the other hand…God doesn’t live in that statue. The front of the church had an old man carved into the ceiling representing God the Father. Underneath that was a dove to represent the Holy Spirit, followed by a waxy replica of my Savior on the crucifix. I watched as two birds flew around the carvings and rested on the cross. And then it hit me. There is more of God in those birds than there are in those statues!
God wants our hearts. He wants a relationship with us. He doesn’t want our Sundays. He doesn’t want us to worship His statue. He doesn’t need us to light an extra candle so that we know He’s listening. God is always listening for us. He is always trying to get our attention and is always seeking our hearts. We have to remember that He doesn’t live in statues and His love isn’t contingent on church attendance. He wants to bring us LIFE! He wants to be our refuge and sanctuary! We just have to let Him.
