It’s no secret that marriage is something that I want in my life (eventually). I think about it often, probably more often than I should, and wonder what it will be like. I pray frequently for a husband who is completely devoted to Jesus and to furthering the gospel. Also, as I mentioned a few days ago on Instagram, I pray (selfishly, admittedly) for him to be a funny man.
(image found on pinterest)
I pray he has a heart for adoption and that he feels hopeful excitement when he’s in big cities. I pray that God has placed a calling on his life that will compliment mine (which, by the way, is yet to be determined). Most of all, I pray that he is a leader. I pray that he will lead our family wisely and lovingly, that his steps are ordered by God.
I’m on a team with a married couple, so I’m learning a decent amount about marriage. That tends to happen when you live in community. Recently, God (through my married teammates) pointed out a few things about myself that I was not super pumped to hear. One day, halfway through a prayer for my future husband to be a man who leads well, God posed a question: Sarah, are you lead-able?
Man. Okay, God.
I opened up my bible to what is arguably the most beautiful picture of marriage in scripture, Ephesians 5 and read these words: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to The Lord.”
There it was. Submission.
God prompted my heart again: Sarah, do you submit to me?
As I read over the passage again, I knew what he was referring to. “As to The Lord…” Pride began to well up inside of me and my position turned defensive. “God, you know I submit to you. I’m on the World Race for crying out loud! I gave up my adorable apartment in Asheville, my cat, my job, my friends and family, 85% of my clothes, my car, my church, dating for a year, etc. I am here because you asked me to be. I gave you my life.”
As soon as I said those things, my eyes were opened, and I realized they weren’t true. All of those things (except the apartment) will be waiting for me at my parents’ house upon arrival in the United States. What would attitude have been had he asked me to give them up permanently?
You have shown submission in your actions and words, but not in your heart.
He was right. I had handed over my life physically, but I had not let go of the fact that he may call me to be single for a lifetime or he may call me to marry much later in life. I handed him the superficial when he wanted my heart.
Our culture has a nasty impression of submission, for the most part. We hate the idea that there is a leader in relationships. We hate the idea that a woman is the “weaker vessel.” I think this perspective saturates our faith as well. We want to be in control of our lives to prove that we are strong and sometimes that means we stop listening to what God has to say.
I find it funny and a little sad that this is the exact sin Eve fell victim to in the garden of Eden. She wanted to be in charge of the situation, so she ate the fruit and manipulated her husband to do the same. There is a lot to be said about this, and I think Eve is fully to blame for her actions, but Adam could have lovingly led her away from that situation. Jesus exemplifies loving husbandly leadership by giving himself up for his bride, the church, something Adam didn’t do.
While self-sacrificial leadership is modeled beautifully by Jesus, submission is, too:
In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus shows us what submission looks like. He knows that God the Father reached his decision long before that moment, but he knows prayer is powerful enough to change God’s plan of action as well. In the same spirit that Moses pleaded with God to spare Aaron’s life after he created the golden calf, Jesus prayed for another way for God’s plan of salvation to be put into effect.
Submission does not mean there is no discussion. In fact, just the opposite; it means that there is a healthy environment in which you are free to voice all of your reservations against what might happen. Jesus asked for a way out and continued to pray. When that was not provided, he relented because he knew that God the Father’s plan for salvation was for his glory.
After Eve’s sin in the garden, all of humanity became plagued by this issue of rebelling against God, being unwilling to submit to His plan. Years and years go by, and in a different garden, the Savior of man, knowing it will mean his untimely death, and in a gesture far more significant than we could ever comprehend, said four words that changed the course of history, “Your will be done.”
What is it that makes it so difficult to trust God’s plan for my life and to be without answers? Why do I fret and worry about what will happen when I get home from the Race? Why are my thoughts preoccupied with whether or not I’ll ever have a husband or a family?
I have since realized that my refusal to allow God to be God in my life hinders my effectiveness as a carrier of the Holy Spirit and a proclaimer of the gospel. I cannot reasonably display any of God’s glory if I don’t allow him to have it. When I design my own plan and manipulate my way into getting it, I communicate to the world that I am self-sufficient. That in no way represents the gospel of Jesus Christ, which says no one is sufficient except for Jesus himself, who was the only sinless person to ever live.
My goal in writing a blog about submission was not to lobby for a certain stance on marital politics. I’m not an expert. I do hope that you will consider for a moment that the plans and dreams we cling to so tightly are often the very things that rob us of joy completely, especially if/when they do not come to fruition. If that is the case, that dream or plan becomes our god, because we have invested all of our thoughts, time, and energy into maintaining it. So I challenge you (and me) to allow God to write your story because his love for you is greater than anything on earth, and that alone should compel us to submit to his plans.
Grace and peace,
Sarah
