Hello, dear blog readers, from Quiché, Guatemala.
We have been here approximately 3 days.
We start our actual ministry on Monday.
I'll tell you a little about my experience so far:
I'll be honest. I'm a little disappointed in myself. I expected that pretty much right away we would start ministering to people and meeting needs and proclaiming the gospel. Turns out, God's plan is always different than mine, and while time and time again we were told at training camp and at Launch, "Do not have expectations. You will be bitter or upset when they are not met," alas, it's harder to divorce myself from my expectations than I would've imagined.
We were told before we arrived that we would fly to Guatemala City and take a bus ride to Quiché (that would last approximately 3 hours). Instead, we flew to Guatemala City and took a bus ride that lasted for about 6 hours. We were stuck on the bus for an extra 3 hours because part of the roads washed out and five people fell off the side of the mountain. There was an ambulance sent for rescue efforts and a doctor and a nurse drowned. We came into the city and were already subjected to the immense heartbreak and natural disaster the people of this community were facing.
We stayed in traffic for about 2 hours, so our vans were turned off and we grew restless. Several of us went in search for a bathroom, and instead found a tiny church with an equally tiny woman leading worship. She was nearly weeping. After she had finished singing her song, her eyes still closed, she began to pray. I have never, ever seen anyone as full of the holy spirit as this woman was. It was incredible. She prayed (from what I could understand — my Spanish is fairly limited) for her family and for protection over them. She prayed for those who had lost loved ones in the flood, and she prayed for comfort and peace for those families. She proclaimed Jesus victorious over death and sin, and praised him for what he had given her. It was amazing. It brought tears to my eyes to see this woman, so full of the holy spirit, proclaim the promises of God over a broken and hurting community.
The way the World Race is structured is that you have both a Squad and a Team. The Squad consists of about 50 people and the team of about 6 or 7. My team is made up of all females. God was very gracious to me in that way, because it is easier for me to share all of my sin and junk (as we are forced encouraged to do). Part of this is for accountability, part of it is because in order to allow Jesus to have victory over your sin and junk, you have to own up to it in community. It allows the people you're surrounded with to be fully informed about your character and to hold you accountable if you start walking in sin and in lies, rather than in what God has called you to. Pretty heavy stuff.
Last night, I shared my testimony with my group. I wouldn't have considered it "powerful" or "drastic," but my team encouraged me that it is because every story about Jesus winning the victory in your life is powerful. I also shared with them that I was not feeling very much love or grace towards the people of Guatemala. I really, really expected to feel a certain amount of connection. I was disappointed. And a little angry with God, admittedly. We hadn't started ministry yet, we had been pretty restricted to our compound, and nothing miraculous was happening.
I prayed and petitioned God because I felt as though my heart was in a position of bitterness rather than service. Jesus very sweetly and gently reminded me of (oddly, I thought, at first) the covenant he made with the church. He loves us even when he doesn't particularly feel like it. His bride is sinful, she is broken, torn and battered and she never feels (and never will be) worthy of his love. His love, his sacrificial, cross-bearing love makes us worthy.
How does this relate to my heart for the people of Guatemala, you ask? (Don't worry, it took me a while to make the connection as well.) If there are not ministry opportunities, I will have to seek the Lord to see who and what He has provided for me. I will have to put myself in a position of service, even if I'm not exactly "feeling it" at the moment.
Much the same, when I don't feel like having quiet time or spending the time with the Lord, I have to suck it up, because He's my first love, and I want to know Him more. I want to be more holy. I want to love Him. So, when I reluctantly pull out my Bible and my journal in a feeble attempt to pursue my Savior, He honors that. He gives me grace. He loves me and sings over me. What an incredible comfort.
It reminded me of the woman at Bethany in Mark 14:
And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that? For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they scolded her. But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me. She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial. And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.”
She gave all. Jesus honored her. Now she is remembered with the proclaiming of the gospel. Shouldn't our worship look like this? Shouldn't I desire to give my very best, my everything to Jesus? She saved a year's wages to be able to anoint Jesus with sweet perfume. Wow.
My prayer is that even though I don't exactly feel connected to the people of Guatemala yet, that God will honor my desire to feel that way. I pray that he will give me as many opportunities as possible to humbly serve people. I pray that as I start ministry, I would do so FREE of expectations, my only expectation being that God is with me and has gone before me.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your sweet facebook messages and emails. I hope this blog encourages you. I love you.
Grace and Peace,
Sarah
