This blog is long overdue. It stems from a revalation I had 2 months ago in Kenya. Our ministry that month mostly consisted of speaking at crusades and revivals, but one day we had the opportunity to visit an orphanage/school. My world was rocked that day.
I had been walking around with a little orphan girl holding my hand. It got to the point where we had to split ways, so a woman came and grabbed her hand away from me. The little girl cried. So I picked her up and soothed her, then carried her back to the orphanage. As I walked down that dusty dirt road with her in my arms, it hit me. It hit me so hard that I stopped dead in my tracks for a moment.
If you have seen the movie Juno, I'm sure you remember the argument between Juno and her stepmom. Juno's stepmom says that as soon as Juno moves out, she's getting weimeroners (a funny looking dog breed). Then Juno exclaims "WOAH DREAM BIG!" Walking through the slums of Kaptembwa with an orphan held close, those were the words that were shouted in my mind as I reflected on my own dreams.
I've always been a planner. And a bit of a romantic. So my ideal plan upon entering college was to meet the love of my life sometime during my first 2 years of school, get engaged by the end of my junior year, then get married the summer after I graduate. That plan failed. But instead, I had the opportunity to spend a year after I graduated traveling the world to tell people about my Savior and show them His love. As much as I dream of being married one day, there's absolutely no way I would trade this year for a man.
But even while I've been on the Race, I've gotten distracted with dreams of a comfortable life back in the States. I figured that I would complete my one year of doing crazy stuff for the Lord, but then I'd return to some sort of normalcy. But over the past few months, I've felt God nudge me. I've heard Him whisper "I've got something more" so many times, but I just ignored it. He's been developing a love and passion inside of me for unloved children. I've made "plans" to return to India some day to work with the CCHs at ICM, but those plans were just for something short-term.
As I looked at the orphanage on that hot, dusty day in Kaptembwa, I realized something deep in my soul: this is where I belong. Maybe not here, location-wise, but I belong somewhere like this, with a ministry like this. These are God's dreams for me. His dream for me is to love children who don't know love. His dream for me is to show these kiddos how to have fun. His dream for me is to tickle them, hug them, and laugh with them. His dream for me is to help these children learn about Jesus and their identities in Him. His dream for me is to show these youngsters their worth and the opportunities that lie before them. His dream for me is to change the lives of these kids. These are big dreams. And they are SO much more beautiful than my own.
So I paused for a moment on that dirt road after I heard God speak, oddly enough, through the voice of Juno. I realized how true it was, how silly my selfish little dreams were in comparison to God's wonderful plan to glorify Himself in my life. I took a deep breath, looked down at the beautiful girl wearing a dirty and torn dress I was holding in my arms, then surrendered my dreams to God. I confessed that I had been holding onto selfish dreams, but that I was letting them go so that I could take hold of the bigger, more beautiful, and more satisfying dreams that my Creater has for me. The dreams He had for me before I was even born. The dreams I was made for.
I don't have all the answers yet. God is a good storyteller; He's not going to reveal everything all at once, but He's going to let anticipation build and throw in a couple surprises along the way. But I'm still a planner, so I've got a "plan" for when I return from the Race. However, this time I'm holding it with open hands. I plan to go to grad school for occupational therapy either this year or the next, but then I'm pretty unsure where God will take me. I just know that He's strengthened my desire to pursue this degree so much and I've found a couple sweet opportunities while on the Race where I could apply what I would learn to serve the nations and totally love on some kiddos.
So God has been teaching me to look beyond my own selfish plans and dreams because He has something bigger, crazier, and more satisfying. Sometimes my own selfish desires take hold, but then I just remember that moment I had with God, an orphan girl, and Juno. My hope is that you too will realize that God created you exactly the way you are for a specific purpose and He's taking you on a particular path in order to fulfill that purpose. Dream big. God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.
