There was a time in my life where I felt pretty invisible and unseen. It seemed like anyone I surrounded myself with didn’t really help. I wanted to feel important and wanted and useful by actions not just words. Here is where you may say my identity was in the wrong hands, and you’re pretty right, but even in the eyes of God I didn’t feel seen.
I remember waiting to board my flight for this year long journey and texting my cousin and briefly telling her how I was feeling. She shared her heart with me and told me the words “El Roi” which is Hebrew for “the God who sees me”. That was the first time I ever heard that name and my eyes swelled up with tears because no matter who I talked to and the words of affirmation I got, no one told me that God sees me.
Any time I would shut my eyes and envision where I was at, it’s as if I was walking into a wilderness. I knew things were about to get super challenging but in a good way. There was about to be a lot of pruning and digging up of roots and chisel to my heart kind of days. It was either stay in that spot and be comfortable/not satisfied or press into the pain. One thing that God has shown me recently is that temporary growing pains are so much greater than lasting pain. Meaning- lasting pain of staying in a position for a long period of time or potentially forever, or pressing into temporary growth pain. Although we are always growing and always able to learn more, I’m able to look back on old seasons of life and see that to be true. I don’t know where I would be, but wherever that is probably wouldn’t be the best if I had never pressed into my temporary growing pains. And man do you learn so much about yourself, God, life, and more in the midst of growing pains.
Coincidentally the other day, I was reading in Genesis and I began to read about Hagar, Abram, and Sarai (later known as Sarah). Long story short, God promised Sarai she would have a child even though she was barren. Years and years passed and Sarai was still childless so she told her husband Abram to have ‘their’ child with their slave, Hagar. So he did. Sarai soon became extremely jealous and began to mistreat Hagar and her son. Hagar (which means “to flee”) fled to the wilderness. Although she was in the wilderness and felt alone and probably the lowest that she has ever felt, God met her there.
She [Hagar] gave this name (El Roi) to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roi [the”well of the Living One who sees me”].
Sarai was barren in the sense of childlessness, but what barrenness am I experiencing or about to experience? Hagar was in the wilderness, but what wilderness or desert am I in or about to enter in?
The wilderness is not the end destination, it’s a place where God will take you on the way to the land that He has promised to give you, ‘a land flowing with milk and honey,’ Exodus 13:5.
Shout for joy in barrenness. Go nuts with happiness. Sing praises in the desert. It’s the shout of joy because He’s good, because He is, not just because He’s coming and not just when there’s abundance. What about when there’s barely enough to make it through the day? Will I shout then?
Little shepherd boy David defeated Goliath ‘in the name of the Lord’ and what happened then? God promised David that He would become King, but was then thrown into the wilderness. He didn’t understand what was happening until he realized years and years later that God was just protecting him because King Saul was trying to kill Him. After Saul’s death David then became King, but without his wilderness experience this wouldn’t have been.
When Moses was banished from Egypt, he then lived as a shepherd herding flocks in the wilderness. This may have seemed like a major downgrade but that’s when the Lord spoke to Him through a burning bush. He received his calling to go rescue Israel in his wilderness season.
Even Jesus spent time in the wilderness. It was there that He fasted, prayed, and was also tempted by satan- but came out victorious.
As I looked back on my own wilderness season and some leaders in the Bible, I saw that the wilderness is when God prepares us to do His will so that we can be used by Him. Without that preparation, we would be extremely prideful human beings and no true understanding of ourselves or God. It’s in the wilderness that our hearts are purified and our faith is grown. He allowed me to enter this place so that He could have my undivided attention. He humbled me and taught me lessons that I probably would have never truly understood without my wilderness experience.
The wilderness is a dreaded place to be most of the time but if I had to sum it up in one word it would be ‘needed’. And you know what… it’s okay if I have to enter this place again time to time because I have a God who sees me and doesn’t stop there. Do you?
Gracious Tempest
Here as in Heaven
Even When It Hurts
Recommended podcast: Steven Furtick @ Elevation
