Daniel
[Isaac]
Joseph
In the fall of 1995, around the dinner table my prayers were answered. My parents announcement that my mom was expecting. I had been praying for a little brother for as long as I could remember. I wanted a little brother so I could have a big brother and a little brother. My little sister, Rebekah and I would pray for a little brother every night as we tucked our stuffed animals into bed. I was in Kindergarten and couldn’t wait to shout the excitement that was bubbling over inside of me. I vividly remember the “word of the day” that day in Kindergarten was “joey- a baby kangaroo.” My five year old self blurted out “J-O-E-Y spells ‘joey’ and my mom is having a little joey too!” I had to turn my apple from green to yellow because I did not give others a chance to sound out the word of the blackboard. Even my people-pleasing spirit did not care at the least. I couldn’t contain my excitement, and that yellow apple didn’t phase me. Later that day I confidently told every body I passed about my joyful excitement, my stutter didn’t bother me that day. My teacher had to remind me several times that day to pay attention and to use my inside voice.
On Father’s Day in 1996, Daniel Joseph was born. Since Rebekah and I found out about Daniel, we lobbied for him to be Daniel Isaac. My sister and I made a poster and had a meeting with our parents about why we wanted him to be Daniel Isaac. My parents overruled us because our six and four year old minds could not understand why my parents didn’t want his initials to be “DIP.” However, we still have an Isaac in our family. Our sister Christian named her precious blond haired, baseball loving son Isaac.
The name “Isaac” had come up in my prayer life multiple times in he beginning of the race. My first thought was to pray for my sweet nephew Isaac. Through listening prayer and spending time at His feet, I realised God was talking about Daniel. The Father told me to lay Daniel at His feet, like Abraham laid down Isaac. I resisted. When Daniel was in middle school he started to show signs of having chronic fatigue left over from having Epstein Bar virus. My dad, older sister, and I have all had our bouts with it. We thought he would grow out of it. My symptoms come and go, but I can manage. However, he only got worse. Thousands of dollars and 25+ specialist could not do anything to help him. Doctors never believed how bad it really was. Daniel would be in bed for days at a time. Sometimes my only interaction with him was crossing paths in the hallway while he was awake long enough to get a drink of water then pass back out for a few more days. Our lives revolved around when Daniel was awake. When he was awake long enough to leave the house, we took advantage of it. We are super blessed to have friends and family that understand when we had to cancel last minute or reschedule. My enneagram type is a 9 wing 1. The 9 is a peacemaker. I was constantly trying to make things better.
When I first heard about the race via a friend, I thought “that’s cool, but I can’t leave.” I wouldn’t dream of leaving my family, especially Daniel. The two years leading up to the race were awful. I internally battled wether I was being selfish leaving my family. At that point, doctors slapped the diagnosis of “Kleine-Levin Syndrome” on Daniel to appease my mom, but it didn’t help. The drugs the doctors gave him were so strong and concealed that the drugs had to be hand delivered to our house and signed off on. “How could I leave my brother? How could I leave my mom? What will happen if I leave?” I was pissed that Daniel’s life, intelligence , and gifts were being wasted away under his covers.
Through much anxiety and prayer I knew those questions became, “How can I not leave?” How can not follow what the Lord has called me to?” Therefore I left. It wasn’t until this month, (month 10) that I realised I could sing a song about healing without producing hot ugly tears. I had to give Daniel to God, not just for his healing, but for my own healing.
Daniel will become an engineer and impact the world and the Kingdom. I needed to get out of the way and let God do His thing.
Much Love,
Sarah Amberley
