Training Camp Part Two
Training camp was full emotions. I tend to take on the feelings of others. If I see someone in distress, I can’t help but rush over hug them and try to make it better. The first have of training camp was to prepare ourselves for the race and the second half was preparing us as a community. One of the first nights the atmosphere was overwhelming for me. I was surrounded by hurting people, surrounding by tears, and surrounded by my friends crying out to the Father. My spirit was flooding with emotions. My gut told me to hug everyone around me and make it better. I hug as many people as I could and prayed over as many people as I could. However, I still felt overwhelmed. I could feel the hurt paining my new family. I asked God to please take away all the pain my friends were feeling. Abba told me to just start praying for them one-by-one and not to try and make them feel better. I didn’t understand. “But God! Didn’t you call us to be there for one another?” I felt God say, “Sarah, stop trying to be their savior. Stop trying to make it better. Step back.” Woah! I was taken back.
I don’t know anyone that enjoys pain, hurt, or conflict, and I’m no different. I used to pride myself on being a peacemaker. That night, Abba reiterated that yes, I am naturally a peacemaker; however, I am NOT called to be a peacekeeper. I can’t always make things better, and that sticks me right in my heart. I get overwhelmed if people around me are super sad or hurt. I literally feel pain when I’m around people that are hurting.
PS I still need about $4,000 in order to launch on the World Race by July 22! Please prayerfully consider donating. Thank you!
Before I left for training camp I was nervous to leave my family. I was leaving a chronically ill brother and father, leaving an exhausted mother to take care of everyone, and a worn out sister that was giving her all to her title 1 kindergarteners. I felt guilty. I felt nervous that life would fall apart if I left. I felt the burden that I was responsible to keep the peace and make everything better. That night at training camp, I left the need to let my family go and give them to God. But, I was too consumed with the hurting around me to concentrate on letting go and handing my family over to God.
The next day God was tugging at my heart about my family all day. I was emotionally exhausted by the time we had out evening session. That night was about the chains of unforgiveness; although, God spoke to me about a different type of chains, the chains of holding on. God pressed and pressed until I let it go. I’m ashamed it took that long for me to corporate. It took me getting super exhausted physically and emotionally before I finally let go. God showed me how I was being selfish trying to fix everyone around me. Abba kept gently whispering, “Sarah, be still my daughter.” He told me to be still for my own good so I could slow down and listen. I can’t fix it all, and that’s not my job. I have to let things get messy so people can rely on God and not on me trying to fix everything. God can use a mess to bring His glory. I can only put a bandaid over the mess.
