When I was first told about the World Race I was interested, but there was a part of me that was scared. I put off applying for a couple of weeks because of this fear. In the end it wasn’t my own bravery that caused me to go online and fill out the application, it was something in my spirit that urged to me.
My call to the missions field happened sometime in November of 2009. I was sitting in church watching a presentation by a representative from International Justice Mission (IJM), and as the presentation went on I was moved to tears. I picked up a panphlet on our way out of church that night and started doing some serious thinking.
I have always been a very organized person, who likes to have a routine and schedule to follow, and likes (almost needs) to have things planned well in advance. For instance, I have had my graduate studies planned since I was about 16 years old, which is why the nagging thought in my head to take a year off between my Bachelors degree and the graduate program I was planning on applying to kind of shook my world. But there it was, a seed of curiosity had been planted because that night after church I stared thinking about what I could do with a year off and who I could do things for. I decided a few weeks after that night at church, after looking into IJM’s overseas internships, that I was going to apply. So I did apply in April of this year, and I also got declined to be a part of their program. I had been so sure that God had a place for me with the IJM team that I was shocked, dismayed and quite discouraged. I felt confused, and a little frustrated. I thought, “God, why would you put such a strong call on my heart to leave my home and my family to share your love with others if I wasn’t going to be answered?” Well I was answered, eventually, I just needed to start to listen a little better. I am grateful I was not accepted to the IJM internship, because then I would not have sought out other organizations and then I would not have found The World Race. My call to the missions field started because of IJM, but it was answered by The World Race. Well, no, it was answered by God. He knew where He wanted me, He knows where I need to be, and He knew that the change this waiting on Him has caused in me needed to happen. I needed to be made well aware of the fact that no matter how much I want to I can not plan my life out on my own, because God can and did take my heart and change it at the most unexpected moment.
Since November of last year I have been learning how to listen to God. Learning how to allow myself to be moved by His subtleties and appreciate the variety in His works. More than that, learning how to accept the fact that things will not be done my way and I should stop trying to plan my life for myself when this life is really not mine to live. God challenged me recently by revealing to me that my independence is a form of pride that inhibits my spirit from the clarity the Holy Spirit provides, and the process of raising support for this race has been a very humbling expereince, one that is definately chipping away at my desire for self-sufficiency and filling me with joy to be blessed by others. I am learning how to trust God in a new way, and that in itself aside from the amazing opportunity of this trip, is exciting!
