This baby hates me. I am convinced of that.
Cedric Ribosa: 7 weeks old, heart murmur caused by hole in heart, recovering from pneumonia, swollen liver caused by jaundice, hernia, malnourished, and orphaned. And all he seems to do when I hold him is scream louder.
This was going through my head on Tuesday afternoon as I was in St. Victoria Hospital in Manila. And again on Thursday, and again this afternoon. This brought me to sopping wet tears on Thursday night, and pretty close again today. I love kids, babies are great. I can deal with the burping, the spit up, the poopy diapers, I can even handle a fair amount of fussing and crying. What drives me to near insanity is the screaming, the flailing fists, the kicking feet, the scratching and the head butting. For hours. What tops it all off and makes me feel just wonderful (that’s sarcasm, folks) is when other people touch him and he calms down. Cedric, I am trying to love you as best I know how, and it hurts me when all you do is kick and scream when I hold you. It makes me wonder, what’s so wrong with my love compared to someone else’s?
As I was sitting in the children’s home this afternoon, watching this baby fuss and scream in his crib and it struck me: Cedric is humankind. We might not all have heart murmurs and hernias, but we are all damaged and broken in some way. We have a Father who holds us, sings to us, lets us spit up on Him, hit Him, kick Him, head butt Him, deals with our crap, and tries to do all He can to comfort and calm us. We choose other people’s love over His, and He must wonder what is so special about other people’s affection that His isn’t good enough for us. A Father who longs to see us whole and healed, a Father who will deal with our fits for a lifetime.
Eventually today, I was able to calm Cedric. There is something awe inspiring in having a tiny, death defying baby lay across your chest and sleep soundly.
If my feeling for a child I have known for less than a week can be so immense despite all the groans and moans I’ve dealt with, how much greater is my Heavenly Father’s love for me?
So I have a decision to make: Am I going to go through life kicking and screaming in God’s arms, or am I going to allow Him to soothe me and reside peacefully in his love?
The whole in Cedric’s heart has been healed, the pneumonia is gone, and the jaundice is on it’s way to being non-existent. The doctors say it’s a miracle.
Matthew 6:30-33 “And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.”
