I began writing this blog in Nairobi, after our month of
ministry in Kitale, Kenya. I wasn’t sure
how to put down my feelings or experiences at that time, I’ve been praying that
God will give me the grace and honesty needed to express what went on that month
for myself and my team. Sorry for the
delay.
_____________________________
The pathway is
broken
and the signs are
unclear
and I don’t know
the reason
why you brought me
here
but just because
you love me
the way that you
do
I will walk
through the valley
if you want me to.
There are moments, days, and weeks where I wonder what it is
exactly we’re doing here. All that I
have come to learn over the past 5 ½ months seems completely overwhelmed by
circumstance and undermined by the ways of man.
I felt useless, pointless, absolutely obsolete –
defeated. I hate feeling like
that, because I know I am useful, competent, and capable, but most of all
because I know that the Lord called me out for a purpose. It was truly a struggle for me to see my
purpose.
Part of my struggle was definitely rooted in the fact that I
could not look past certain aspects of their culture or way of doing
things. I held tightly to my notions of
what is the right way and wrong way of doing things, the thought “This just
doesn’t make sense!” crossed my mind multiple times a day. But perhaps what I think is sensible is not
globally applicable. I remember crying
out often, “God, where are you?”
Fighting to see beyond the experiences that frustrated and confused me,
and see into what He was doing and where He was working.
The path that I’d felt I’d been traveling on for the
previous few months seemed completely lost and overgrown with confusion, like I
was trying to move forward in a patch of brambles. I had no clue where I was going, I had no
idea what I was supposed to do, but I knew I had to keep walking.
Something that God has been showing me on the Race is how
big His family is. In Kenya I saw how
badly my family needs to be loved, how badly it needs to have truth spoken to
it. In Kenya I saw how strong the joy of
the Spirit can be in worship and how bold a child of faith can be.
I still have questions and I still wonder about a lot of
things I saw and experienced that month.
But I know that His ways are so much higher than mine, and that when my
understanding fails His does not. I know
that sometimes God calls us to the hard places to teach us thing we wouldn’t
learn any other way, and I am still expectant to see what else He reveals to me
from my time in Kenya. I know that He
called me on the World Race for a purpose, and I will walk through what He has
set before me.
Cause I’m not who
I was
when I took my
first step
and I’m clinging
to the promise
you’re not through
with me yet,
so if all of these
trials
bring me closer to
you
then I will go
through the fire
if you want me to.
It may not be the
way
I would have
chosen
when you lead me
through a world
that’s not my home
but you never said
it would be easy
you only said I’d
never go alone.
–
Ginny Owens
