There is a very good chance that I am the most prideful person in the world (and egotistical, but let’s face it, I’m awesome). Due to this immense amount of unwavering pride, I never admit when there is something wrong and I especially do not ask for help.
A lot has happened over the last few months where I could have easily, for once, ignored my pride and accepted a team members help that was offerred on more than one occassion. Even when I was sick, I refused to give in and instead ignored my pain and went to ministry.
What a fool.
What a fool.
At the beginning of this month, I was expressing this to my new squad leader, Tricia Wegman, how I wish I could just take a day off of ministry to sit and process with God all that has been happening and she told me I should. Of course, my pride got in the way and there was no way I could ask for a day off of our already limited ministry to lay around all day. So a few days later Tricia called Laura, my team leader, and told her I needed a day off.
On this day of processing, I literally laid around in bed all day not talking to anyone but God. And I tell you this because I want to tell you what I learned about my pride that day.
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, them I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
So really, instead of hiding my struggles and pretending I don’t have any, I should not only talk about it but boast about it. It is in my weakness that God can flex His muscles.
The thought of delighting in my weakness makes me a little anxious and slightly nauseous but what a concept, especially on this World Race. I was talking to some of the girls on my team a little while ago and we were saying, in regards to this Race, “if it don’t hurt, you ain’t doin’ it right.” This radical and sometimes ridiculous lifestyle we live brings up every past struggle and brings out every present one. I have never been so aware of my own weakness.
But how great is that.
How awesome is this opportunity to let God show His power.
How much am I going to learn about my weakness and from weakness.
No longer will I let me pride get in the way and hinder opportunities for growth, instead I will rest in the sufficiency of His grace and look forward to His power being made perfect everyday.
