Let me ask you a question….
Before you keep reading this blog I want you to answer this in your mind…
What identifies you? Where does your identity lie? What completes you in life?
Let’s be honest. We all like to feel validated in life. We all want to feel loved. But what happens when we get hurt? When people wrong us?
This is something I really feel Jesus wanted me to write about and what I have spent the past month in Cambodia praying about and digging my soul into.
For almost half of my life I have been in relationships. Some of them healthy, and some of them not. But most commonly I’ve realized that I have always found myself trying to find my validation and identity in those relationships to feel whole.
When I was eighteen my heart was broken. What I imagined for my life at the time was being a wife and mom. But that was shattered. During the same time my sister was getting married and my parents were getting a divorce.
I never realized that it was then that I felt abandon in my life. I spent the next 10 years trying to find validation and wholeness through my brokenness. Instead of facing the brokenness I felt in my life and allowing healing to go on, I just started new relationships. I tried to replace old hurts with people. Along with adding new people to my life, I hoped the old hurts would disappear, covering them up trying to feel whole.
Truthfully, I never really pulled the bandaid off…
The truth is if you don’t heal your hurts – you will no longer relate to people. Only what they represent.
The purpose of the process of healing and facing it is to protect you from repeating the pain of your past in your present future.
After being hurt in my life at a young age, I no longer let my walls down. I no longer let anyone really get close enough, and I was always the one to leave relationships. I was great at being in the relationship, but deep down inside, I wasn’t whole. My identity was validated by others opinions of me.
I lived through a filter of Negativity. I had this idea of what things were suppose to be like in life, and if they didn’t turn out the way I had thought Id get upset… I had this idea that everyone would abandon me like I felt in my past, so I filtered my relationships through that brokenness. When a similar situation would come along, I pictured what it used to be like or who hurt me would come up, then I would take it out on the person in front of me at the time.
The truth is, it has nothing to do with them, it has to do with a broken past. And when it comes to manifest and reveal itself we default, were broken and we end up destroying relationships.
I’m telling you, there is nothing better than relying on God. Not another person in life to meet our ultimate needs. If Jesus is not the center of what your doing in your relationship, your needs will truly never be met. People are going to fail you daily. That’s just the reality of life. But God has something bigger for each of us.
Our mindset and our thinking patterns can truly and radically transform us. For the good or for the worse. For life or for death. The Bible holds the keys to being whole and living well. We must not only understand God’s principles, we must live them to be whole.
Our spirit is the aspect of our core. It’s deep in our soul that our emotions and our minds impact our choices and behavior.
When you sit at his feet daily and really bask in his love, it is HE that makes you whole.
This is how we become sanctified and holy. This is how we become a complete or whole person in spirit, soul and body.
You cannot do this on your own strength. The type of transformation that brings wholeness can only come from God himself. If we are to be whole, we have to let God into the deepest part of our core – so that from the inside out, we can be transformed.
My biggest desire in life is to be a wife and mom. But one of the largest misconceptions is that i need to “find someone to make me whole” no it will NEVER work. You will just have two halves of people. You really need two WHOLE people who come together wholly and are holy.
The place to begin wholeness is where it hurts.
Wholeness comes from your effort when you take responsibility for your life. A lot of times we let life tell us what to do instead of us telling life what to do.
So are you completely single? Is your heart completely single with Jesus? If Jesus is not the center of what your doing in your relationship your needs will NEVER be met. It will never be met by the validation of someone else. It’s met through relying on God.
“God is bigger than your past – he wants to give you restoration “
That word wholeness has power to awaken desire within us. We long to be whole people. Don’t you? Don’t you want to be what God made you to be, with all the ingredients of your personality able to be expressed in balance. That is to be a beautiful person, and that is what God is after.
Read the Psalms and see how much David understood of the presence and the grace of God in his life. He was a man who was healed by God. He came to understand that God was his strength and his very life, and that God could meet every need of his heart and work out all the tangled relationships in his family and in his personal life. He reflects all this in the Psalms he wrote.
My prayer for each person who reads this blog is that you find wholeness in Christ. It is the utmost best and most rewarding love and feeling in the whole world.
Blessings,
Sarah Nelson
“Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again. God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.”
“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart”
Psalm 37:4
