It’s really hard to put into words the emotions that I feel inside my being at this moment. Its been a week since I’ve been home from the World Race, and honestly, I cant really even grasp the words that I feel about being home, and thinking about what really happened over the past 11 months.
I’m back home around my family; my friends and those I love; yet everything feels different. People have moved on with their lives. The children are so grown, and the beat has not stopped.
I’ve woke up every day at 4:30 am and many nights I wake thinking I need to grab a child, or that my dog is one of the kids.
Today, my heart feels a little sadness.
Not that the race is over, but those hearts I’ve left behind.
I miss the times community seemed never-ending, and pointless feedbacks even when nothing was said.
I miss people understanding my heart.
I miss praying with people.
I miss real tangible love
This year has changed my understanding of life and how really grateful our nation is.
The words “I am proud to be an American” finally make sense, I can finally grasp its true meaning.
Everything I do, I see the children’s faces waiting for food, and I see the people who lost their homes in Tacloban, the homeless we gave our clothes to….
Yet I sleep in this comfy bed, I listen to people complain about the wrong bun on their burger, the endless waist of food, and the abundance of choices all around me… I’m not angry at my surroundings, only filled with compassion for those in my life for the past year that changed me.
I put on a mask as I greet those around me, as they ask how my year was… and no words really come to the forefront other than saying yes to being thankful I am home.
What I left behind is still here, only different in every way.
I’ve realized how real people are, and who couldn’t care a bit.
I wanted to quit so many times. I wanted to give up and come home. Many months I remember balling my eyes out praying I would be over and done with this journey. But it’s in those moments that I wanted to quit, that Jesus refined me the most. To learn really what perseverance means. It’s in those moments where Jesus gave me a little boy to love more than I’ve ever known love before.
My prayer is to not get complacent. My prayer is to continue God’s will in my life, and journey wherever he leads me.
The world race is over, but I very much believe my race has just begun.
As being home multiplies daily, my prayer is to remain in Jesus presence, and not get carried with the business of the daily world.
Please be patient with me as I get back to life. Please be understanding if I don’t know what to say….
Thank you to every single person who has been here for me this year. I would never have made it without you cheering me on to the end. I love you.
Sarah
