I am so spent.
The devil is trying to work something fierce on my soul right now, and I am so glad that I’m aware of it being him or I would completely lose it.
I’ve been under a lot of stress, really just starting this week. My last semester is coming to a close which means more exams and papers’ due dates being piled on. I even completely forgot to do one of my papers, which is so not like me, and I am very grateful that it was only worth a small portion of my grade.
My computer is just at a year old and it acts like like it’s five. It needs to be replaced but the money is just not there to do it. It’s been cleaned and wiped several times but it’s just not helping. It keeps crashing, and even crashed again today. It’s making it extremely hard to get my school work done, for which I need it for NOW. I’m praying for a miracle.
My great-grandfather, Grady Jordan, passed away last night in his sleep. His health has been declining over the past year. This is really hard on my family; for my immediate family he was the only grandparent, let alone GREAT-grandparent, we had left. We still have my Great Aunt (his daughter) and Great Uncle though, for which I am immensely grateful for because they are the only grand-parental figures on my mom’s side that I have ever known. For a man who was not supposed to live past the age of 40 (he lived to 94), I know just how much a blessing it was to have had the opportunity to know him, love him, and learn from him.
^^^My Papa and I in 2010
I was prepared for his passing to happen while I was gone on the World Race. The fact that I am here and now makes it that much harder because it is in my face; I will see my family’s reactions, I will be at the funeral…..I will be wholly present. Processing “present” emotions is so much harder, unavoidable, inevitable.
Through all of this stress, through my great-grandfather’s passing, and although I feel thoroughly spent, I know that God has me in His hands. I can feel Satan picking at my emotions, at my weakness, but it is through that recognition that I find strength in my Lord for having taught me to be wary, “your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). I find strength in Him, in my faith, and in my family of believers throughout the world who are going through struggles as well. I know that my God, the God of all gods, my Creator, my Father, who sent His Son to die on the cross that I might be redeemed to Him, is watching over me and protecting me because I have asked Him into my heart to do so.
Silly Moral to the Story: When the devil give you lemons (hardships), smoosh those sour suckers & toss them away! For the Lord has you a delicious apple pie waiting for you!
Just like God watches over me I now have my Papa watching over me too. He might not have been to church in a while because of his age and the difficulty of getting around, but my Papa knew the Lord, and knows Him that much more now! His is finally reunited with his wife, Grammie Jordan, and my Grammie, his daughter. I know that he is rejoicing in heaven with them, praising our Father to the fullest, and that one day I will be reunited with him.
I ask you, my friends and loyal readers, to keep your thoughts and prayers with my family during this time. Even though we know that Papa is rejoicing in Heaven right now, and that we will see him again one day, it is hard for us here on Earth to not feel the sorrow of loss. Please pray for peace in our hearts, for understanding where it is needed, and for acceptance of what has come and what is to come.
RIP, Rest in Peace, is not an appropriate well wishing for my Papa. What should be said is this:
Papa Jordan, I pray that if you rest, you rest in Grammie Jordan’s arms while singing praise to God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I pray you dance in joy and praise in our Father’s everlasting love. I pray you smile, no longer in hope but in knowing.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s might hand, that he may life you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.
To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
1 Peter 5:6-11
