Transitioning back into life in the states hasn't been as easy. I thought transitioning back into life at home would be one more easy transition. There were very few truly hard transitions last year culturally, so what was one more? Besides, I lived in the USA for 25 years and only spent 1 year away… coming home shouldn't be hard.
But it was and it still is. It's hard to know who really wants to hear your story when they ask and who really doesn't want to hear it. It's hard to talk about how Jesus changed your life when people get offended by the mention of His name. It's hard to talk about grace and love without people putting up walls. I came back with this child-like excitement to share a story of transformation and redemption and was met by a lot of doubt. Suddenly, my story seemed hard to tell and I didn't even know where to start.
I felt like I didn't fit in. I felt like everything around me was spinning really fast and I was standing still not knowing how to step into the chaos. I didn't want to listen to the radio because everything seemed extra vulgar. I didn't want to watch TV- even shows that I loved because suddenly they seemed trivial. I didn't know how to process what I was going through with people that didn't also go through it. I started to realize that God had changed my life a lot more than I thought.
I accepted a job after being home for one month. I'll be honest… It's been really hard. This job has highlighted some of my strengths and a lot of my weaknesses. It's pushed me to grow, to call on God for strength and wisdom, and left me on my face before the Lord in tears numerous nights telling Him I can't do it.
At first, there were days that I didn't want to surrender the burdens of what I was carrying with this job and with transitioning to God. Sometimes, I didn't want to let Jesus meet me right in the mess I was in. Some days, I was really mad at Him for letting me travel all around the whole entire world with amazing community for a year and waiting until I was back, still finding community, to completely break me and start rebuilding me again.
As I asked Him why over and over again, I began to realize that He needs us to depend on Him and this was just my next step in growing in dependence. I grew a lot in trust and dependence last year. I grew a lot in relationship as well and the Lord showed me how to redefine my identity to identity in Him. He gave me opportunities to take steps in faith with a safety net of community and used the people around me to push me and support me. Now the safety net isn't gone, but feels a lot lower. Falling seems a lot farther now, but He wants me to be able to take those same steps in dependence on Him, on His provision, on His grace, and on His love. He knows I'm ready.
So that's where I am now. I fall pretty regularly, but the Lord always catches me and pushes me higher the next time …and the next time, I don't fear falling as much.
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him, we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into to our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5
I am transitioning my blog to http://www.sarahmccomb.wordpress.com. Please visit for updates on what God is teaching me in this next season.
