All Over the Place
Where have you been? How are you? My answer to those questions these days is “All over the place.” I have been all over the place spiritually, emotionally, and physically. For those of you who don’t know a few days after we arrived in Africa (back in late January) I found out my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and a day later I was on my way home to Kentucky to care for her.
The first series of emotions was shock. One moment I was walking out of the gym heading to the grocery store for my team and the next I was being told that my Mom has a serious case of cancer. Immediately I fell to my knees struggling to remember to breathe. Moments later I was screaming, “Are you serious?!? I’m in Africa!” I mean seriously! I just arrived in AFRICA the place I had been anticipating for months and now suddenly all that Africa was to me was the place that was a million miles away from my Mom.
Many emotions came after that… mostly anger and confusion. I didn’t understand. Why now? Why me? Why my Mom? I didn’t want to leave the race. These people were the most amazing people I had ever met. I was learning so much. I felt closer to the Lord than I ever had. My mom shouldn’t have to go through this. She has already been through so much. Really the main feeling that came over me was, and excuse my French but, “This is bullshit!”
Most people would think that fear would set in right about now, but really it didn’t. I was just well, hurting. I hated everything about what I was going through and what I was about to go through. I would be lying if I said moments of fear didn’t come over me, but something inside me wouldn’t allow myself to fully go there. You see I had just reached this point of trust with the Lord, literally days before; and now that this had happened I couldn’t just throw that out the window. Now it wasn’t an option or a suggestion; it was life or death. Did I trust Him or not?
I am going to stop here. It may take some time to figure out how to put my experiences and thoughts onto a page, but if you are willing to bear with me I am willing to try. More to come…
