Back in mid October I went to training camp for a week and it was one of the most amazing, emotionally draining weeks of my life. I got to meet my squad, my new family (the people I will be spending the next year with) and I could not have asked for a better, more Christ centered group of people to spend the next year with. The week itself was amazing; God continually blew my mind and broke down my walls. I don’t think I could put my experience into words. Coming home from camp I was definitely on a spiritual high. I felt like God and I could conquer anything!
Then I got home. At first I was stoked to tell people about the week, but there was so much to process from the week that I had trouble sharing it with people. And the less I talked about it, slowly that spiritual high began to fade and I faded back into my old habits and old routines.
It had been a few weeks since training camp and I was feeling disconnected. We went to church one Sunday morning, honestly I wasn’t super excited to be going. We got to our seats and worship began. As we worshipped to the first song I started to feel all the negative feelings inside of me start to wash away. Then the second song came on and I was so excited! They were playing a song we had worshipped too a lot during training camp that I had fallen in love with. When that song came on I was doing everything not to dance around like crazy (I was between my dad and sister and was afraid I might take one of them out with my crazy dancing), but I was feeling so much joy that I just had to dance. I had missed that feeling. Feeling so close to God and so full of the Holy Spirit that I just wanted to celebrate! It was amazing. It reminded me that my relationship with God is going to continually be growing throughout the rest of my life. There is no finish line for a relationship with God. And there will be days when you don’t talk and guess what? That’s ok! We have to foster a relationship with him, just like we would anyone else. Strangers don’t become friends or family overnight, you develop a relationship and that takes time. And sometimes I am going to mess up and that’s okay.
About two weeks after camp I was feeling like I’d messed up and I was a “crappy” Christian because I couldn’t stay focused on God. One morning I was reading Jesus Calling and it said, “Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart’s desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don’t let feelings of failure weight you down. Instead try to see yourself as I see you.”
Blogging is intimidating and I kept avoiding writing something because I felt like I didn’t have anything to say, but God is working in my heart and teaching me a lot right now, I just have to remember to be patient with myself.
So meet my squad!
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