For those of you familiar with my story…you know that I just got back from my second World Race training camp down in Gainesville, GA.
It was a whirlwind of emotions…
Initially, the excitement was overwhelming to be back in the original place I found the most wonderful, precious and transformative gift of my life…Jesus Christ. Walking into the ecstatic environment of the Adventures and Missions Headquarters knowing what all the hype was about was quite liberating and joyful. Instead of thinking, “What in the world have I gotten myself into?” It was “I’ve got what they got! His name is Jesus Christ!! And He is worth acting a fool over!! Let’s do this.”
Shortly thereafter, by no surprise, Satan had to crash the party and try to rob me of joy and take the glory away from God. It never fails. Satan in one jealous ____.
As I sat and looked around at my surroundings the lies and second guessing started flooding in: What in the world are you doing Sarah Kate? Wasn’t finding Jesus here enough? You are really going to put your career on hold for a year? You’re going to screw things up. You really think you are going to share the Gospel around the world? You don’t even know the Gospel! You just became a believer. You are not qualified for this.
And the list goes on and on and on…
To say I felt lonely, would be an understatement…I was surrounded by wonderful, kind, and loving people but I felt like I just didn’t “fit in” …I was back on the outside looking in thinking, “What in the world have I gotten myself back into?”
It’s times like these where you want to hear from God the most, but honestly throughout the week I had felt the most distant from God that I had in a long while. I would talk…and then there would just be the sound of crickets… (literally and figuratively)
Eventually we were asked by our squad leaders to sign a contract saying “yes” to this year long commitment and the responsibilities it entails. We were asked to pray about it before signing. I went and prayed for a few minutes, stood up and walked to the line.
God said not so fast…get back down. I fell to my hands and knees and immediately started sobbing. I am not really sure why, I think it was more out of frustration and desperation. “Lord what do you want from me? What do you want me to do? I know you have told me to say yes until You tell me no but I haven’t heard from you all week? Are you telling me no? Is this the end? God, I NEED you to tell me YES or NO and it needs to be LOUD and CLEAR. I am not letting the enemy win by saying no, but I am also not taking this into my own hands. I want Your will and Your way. Lord I am not getting off this floor until You tell me YES or NO.”
I was on the ground for what felt like an eternity…
God, “SHOW UP! C’MON! DON’T DO THIS TO ME!”
I was angry, sad, and hurt.
I felt alone and abandoned. Where was my Heavenly Father when I needed Him the most? This was a huge decision to make, I wanted His will but I didn’t know what that was.
Some of my squad started to come over and pray with me and over me…ok God, “if you don’t hear me, maybe you will hear them but I am not getting up until I get an answer! And it has to be LOUD and CLEAR.”
The feeling of not “fitting in” I mentioned earlier, slowly dissolved during this time. I didn’t need to “fit in.” I actually felt like an absolute crazy person at this point in time to be honest, but I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging. I knew these people, my family in Christ and squad mates were going to sit there with me until God gave me an answer and they were going to support me no matter what.
Finally, the Lord gave me a resounding “YES” through one of my teammates.
It was a beautiful moment. One I will never forget. We busted out into worship, praising His holy name. He is a good good Father. He is trustworthy and faithful.
(I get chills thinking about it.)
You may be thinking, “Who does she think she is to demand an answer from God?”
My rebuttal is, “Why are you not demanding an answer from God?”
He desires an intimate relationship with us. Relationships require work and communication. They aren’t easy.
I can’t help but to wonder how many blessings we miss out on from God because we simply just don’t ask specifically and intentionally? We are too busy or our pride/ego gets in the way… “He isn’t going to hear us. He has better things to do than to pay attention to this silly request. He already knows everything so why do I have to ask?”
Because He wants a relationship with you!!! He wants you to communicate with Him. He wants you to trust. He wants to provide for His children. He wants to be glorified in your weakness. (Caution: it might not always look the way you want it to look…His will and His way is the best way though)
I didn’t ask to go on the World Race. I didn’t even know what the heck the World Race was a year ago. To be honest, it scares the crap out me. Traveling is fun and all but I don’t want to leave my dog, I don’t want to leave friends/family, I don’t want to leave the comforts of this world (like chocolate and coffee whenever the heck I want it) or a nice bed to lay my head down on or hot showers. The thought of living in community is terrifying. I like me time, quite a bit of it actually. I absolutely don’t feel qualified to go share the gospel. The unknown is terrifying.
Despite all of that though, He said “YES” and I said “YES” and with that comes an overwhelming sense of peace. He will protect. He will provide. He will qualify me.
This next year is going to be by far the most challenging year of my life. However, I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for myself, my squad and people around the world.
I cannot wait to live a year intentionally seeking and asking the Lord for guidance, seeing how He provides and being 100% engaged with those around me.
This trip is not about being a missionary, but rather how to live a life on a mission.
This is one year of the rest of my life living on a mission.
A mission to live amongst and empower others through the truths of the simple gospel.
You are forgiven. You are loved. You are adored. You are more than enough. You are worth it. You have a Heavenly Father that will never leave you or forsake you. You never have to be alone. You are perfect in His eyes. There is and always will be hope.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I challenge you to demand an answer from God. What is His will for you?
I also ask you to prayerfully consider donating to help me raise funds for this trip. If you believe in this mission, please help me make it happen. I can’t do it without help from you guys. I have to have $10,000 by September 16th to get on a plane with my squad in October. A total of $16,961 is needed for the entire trip. I am currently at $5,926.
Please please please help in any way you can. Spread the word. Tell everyone! You never know who God is going to use to make this happen. I would love to talk to anyone and everyone so if you have questions email me, call me or show up and let’s get some coffee!
Love you all.
