I watched him cry. Yes, you read that right: my dad actually cried. Well, let me tell you the whole story…
My dad flew to Thailand to visit me for our “Parent Vision Trip.” I have been traveling, serving others, and sharing the Gospel since January. 9 months later, in September, he flew to Thailand into many unknowns simply to see me.
He flew to Thailand not knowing he was going to meet a “new” daughter. He flew to Thailand not knowing he was going to push himself in uncomfortable situations by praying out loud, going to bars to talk to women selling their bodies, watching his daughter talk to strange men, etc.
He did it all because he loves me. He came for ME!
At the end of the 5 day trip, it was time for him to return home, and for me to continue on to a few more places to serve with my team. He pulled me aside, and I was so ready for what was coming…
“I love you.” He started.
As he spoke, I could see his eyes get a little blurry, and he laughed it off, “I never understood why women cry so much, but I guess now I do.”
I awkwardly smiled and reassured him that I was not offended by his tears. I couldn’t wait for the rest of his speech.
“I’m not crying because I’ve missed you… I’m just… so proud of you!” He said through choked back words. He then got a little embarrassed and said, “I have to go. I will email you!”
We gave each other a very meaningful hug, and as he walked to the back door of the cafe, he looked back at me and said (very intentionally), “I love you.”
I was so excited! I finally got to hear the words I have continuously craved! I couldn’t wait for him to get home from his 20+ hour flight, so I could read all the words he was going to share.
YES! …ACCEPTANCE! AFFIRMATION! LOVE!
Time continued on, day by day, and still no email. I had some great opportunities to speak with him and my family on the phone, and I would drop occasional hints reminding him to send me that email.
I wanted to hear how much he loved me. I wanted to hear how proud he was of my personal growth and everything I’ve accomplished.
It hit me tonight (2 months later) that I have still been waiting on that email. I have waited with so much of my being that it has distracted me from some important details of that encounter…
I have completely failed to see that he already showed me how much He loved me, and how proud he was of me! He flew to THAILAND TO SEE ME!! He cried because he was so proud of me! He explicitly told me those few simple words!
Why did I need to hear any more details? Why was I constantly seeking more before I accepted it to be true?
As human beings, two of the biggest things we crave in life are acceptance and affirmation.
I am lucky enough to have a father who would sacrifice finances, time, and comfort to be with me, and he sacrificed his dignity by releasing a few tears in the midst of a short, “I’m proud of you” moment.
I recognize that not everyone has parents who have expressed their love and support as much as mine have.
I recognize not everyone has earthly parents who are so willing to love through sacrifice.
I recognize I received THE words from my dad that some people would give their life to hear from a parent just once.
Why was it not enough?
This revealed to me how much I do this with my Heavenly Father.
He wants to spend time with me every single day. He explicitly shows me how much He loves me through beautiful blessings, and He tells me how much He loves me so often! If I listen, He even tells me how proud He is of me! Not to mention, He sacrificed more than my dad ever could. Papa sent His only son, Jesus Christ, to die for ME, so that I could have forgiveness of my sins and eternal life in an unblemished relationship with HIM!
Why do I so easily forget His love in the midst of seeking it?
He is the Great I Am. He always has been, always is, and always will be. He IS love!
Why am I asking for more as if who He is, and what He did, and what He continues to do/Be isn’t enough?
My prayer is that we can all rest assured knowing that our life on earth isn’t perfect, nor are the people in it. My prayer is that we can forgive our earthly parents. I pray when we find ourselves seeking more proof of affirmation and acceptance, that we can rest in the Lord knowing that His love is enough. I pray you and I can supernaturally recall all of the times the Lord told us those simple words. We don’t need to wait on that big “email-sized” revelation full of details of His love. I pray we see what He has already told us in those sweet, whispers of blessings. I pray our affirmation and acceptance are rooted in His love, and His love alone.
Our Heavenly Father’s love is enough.
I pray we know that to be TRUE.
