Wow. So it’s about day 5 at training camp and so much has happened I’m not sure really where I should start. When I got here I was filled with self-doubt, fear, and walls galore. I really had no idea of the amount of chains I had on my life. After 3 days of soul surgery… my heart hurts. In a good way. I have just been seeking Gods face so hard, I want a breakthrough more than anything. I have this yearning in my heart that there is so much more that God has for me… I want more.
In addition to the soul digging being done there is a significant amount of body work being done too! No I didn’t get plastic surgery, don’t be disappointed. On our first morning here we had to be on the field at 7 am with our 50lb packs, and went hiking. We’re being asked to embrace a “healthy lifestyle,” but jeez ‘o’pete I’m a wuss. Some of these people are like game/run/exercise fanatics; they don’t even get out of breath when they walk up a hill… I’m praying God toughens me up J
Other than that the food has been umm… I expected to eat some weird stuff, just didn’t think that would be ALL we ate! I mean I know that we are going to have to endure way worse stuff and conditions, but man am I hungry. I never thought I would be so thankful for peanut butter and bread.
As far as all the fear and doubt and walls… I’m still working on it. I know that God has broken a lot of this crap off me, and I feel 100 pounds lighter. One thing- I was praying and asking God to set me free, and He spoke to me “Stop asking and be free.” I realized that I have a choice. A choice to be free or oppressed. A choice to sin or live in the light. A choice to speak life or to speak death. God gave me the choice because He loves me, but im asking Him to help me to do what’s right. I’ve been craving for so long a spiritual breakthrough, and now im all up in it, and I’m scared as hell. God’s plans are bigger than my plans, and I’m workin on being tough enough to do it.
