We were asked to write a blog about how we were called to this mission trip;. Here is my story …..
One thing I have consistently struggled with in my walk with Christ is knowing when or even if I hear the voice of God.
I tend to over-analyze things and doubt myself which makes this blog a little difficult for me to write. I feel so unworthy at times of being “called” to the mission field. Can God really use me when there are countless people out there who are more loving, less selfish, more educated in Scripture, and more eloquent of a speaker? It amazes me that God would choose to use little old me and it is my daily prayer that He would love through me and speak through me. That He would show me how to look at people through His eyes and that I would recognize the lost and the hurting and pour out my life in ministry and service to them. May I love others so much that I completely forget about myself . I, on my own, am so unworthy, I am incredibly thankful to have the guiding presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. Where would I be without Him?!
That being said, I applied for this mission trip on a whim. I was doing my devotions one night and became extremely convicted about the comfortable, yet lukewarm lifestyle I had been living. I immediately went online and did some research in pursuit of a short term mission trip I could go on. I came across The World Race and could not get it out of my mind. I wasn’t sure though if I was willing to sacrifice an entire year of my life. Could I really sell my condo and possibly my car? Could I leave my church and my many friends and even my boyfriend? Was I willing to give up all my earthly possessions with the knowledge that none of that really matters anyway? Could I learn to look at life with an eternal perspective at ALL times and realize that our time on earth is short and that God is calling us …. calling me …. to harvest the fields right now!?! No more excuses. So I began to fill out my application and get excited about the trip but I continued to delay in sending it in. Then I read the book called Crazy Love by Francis Chann and it changed my life, my heart, and my way of thinking. This book convicted me in so many ways. It showcased my lack of faith and my dependance upon my own self and my own savings account rather than being willing to sacrifice and trust in a God who wont fail to provide. It also reflected my lukewarm style of living – I was chasing after meaningless and empty pursuits rather than turning to a God who can fill and restore me. I was more concerned with what other people thought of me than what the Lord of the universe thought of me. How did I get so backwards in my thinking and my priorites? “How can you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” -John 5:44 I realized that I was serving God my leftovers rather than giving Him the first-fruits of my life. (Malachi 1 talks about serving God out of obligation and guilt and how this practice is EVIL…very convicting chapter if anyone is interested in reading it!) So, I finally gave in and decided I wanted to commit my ALL to God and give Him the best of my time, my abilities and my lile. As I said before, I can’t always tell what the will of God is for my life is so I simply prayed that He would open and shut doors in this process according to His will. These doors have swung wide open and I am walking through them with excitement and passion. I can’t wait for God to do amazing things in and through me. We serve a great and mighty God!!
