I want to be honest with all you and share my heart for a moment. These past three months have been incredibly difficult for me. I have struggled a lot with whether or not I want to stay on the race. I am not usually a quitter but everything Inside of me has been begging to give up and return home to my loved ones and my comfort zone. I didn’t come expecting this year to be easy but I wasn’t anticipating how exhausting this trip would be emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Despite my pitiful cries in my prayer journal begging God to allow me to return home, He has answered with a resounding “NO”. He desires for me to remain here. He wants to have all of me this year in order to restore my brokenness. He wants to keep me where it hurts for awhile longer because there are lessons that I need to learn:
How to develop passion and boldness in the way I share my faith.
How to lay my selfish desires down and become a servant to others.
I am clinging tightly to the knowledge that God has brought me here for such a time as this. He wants me to remain on the mission field because He has divinely appointed people specifically for me to minister to.
He has orphans for me to hug.
He has girls who are being prostituted out that need to hear the words I have to offer: you are beautiful. you are loved. there is hope and freedom through a God who demands justice for the oppressed.
I have to believe that my smile, my love, my words are needed this year. I want to be God’s representative. I want to be His hands, His feet, His mouthpiece. He doesn’t need me but I desire to be used by Him.
