Dear family and friends,
I wanted to start this out by thanking you all so much for joining me on this journey. Without your support and prayers I could not have done this. Over the last 8 months I have watched as your finances have provided me three meals a day, lodging, transportation (many flights, ferry’s, and long bus rides), visa expenses, ministry gifts, and SO much more. I have prayed throughout this trip for God to lavish his blessings upon each of you. Thank you all so much for your faithfulness to the Lord and to me.
I apologize for not keeping you all as up to date as I would have liked and I’m sure some of you are probably beginning to wonder what I’m doing and where I am. I’d like to let you all know that I have not forgotten about you. The truth is, I have not been doing well lately. I have really been struggling these past two and a half months since I last wrote you. It has been hard for me to put into words how I’ve actually been feeling and I definitely didn’t want to share with you all how frustrated I was becoming with God. Thankfully, I am in a much better place emotionally, spiritually and mentally so let me go ahead and explain.
I haven’t shared this before, but shortly after I left for the race, my mom’s health took a rapid decline. I hadn’t even left my first country when I heard that my mother had gone into the ER. This was devastating news for me knowing I couldn’t be there to help her or my family. But I knew I had a long 11 months ahead of me and needed to stay the course of this journey I had just began.
Throughout the last 8 months my mom’s health has worsened. She has seen many doctors, has had many tests, and has made 2 additional visits to the ER. Last month in Cambodia, my mother was admitted into the hospital for a few days. Never before have I felt as helpless as I did in the moment when I saw her over a video call in her hospital gown. I sat outside that night and questioned the Lord on many different levels. I played one of my favorite worship songs over and over and over again to try to keep my heart soft and keep my faith strong, but I felt so alone. I reached out to my leadership team back at Adventure’s and asked them to partner with me in prayer regarding going home to help take care of my mom.
The very next morning I woke up with dengue fever. I had been experiencing some of the symptoms the night before, but I took some aspirin for my headache and eye socket pain and thought it to be just a migraine. Boy was I wrong. For the remainder of my time in Cambodia, I couldn’t think of much other than how to get myself well. For dengue there is no cure, just time — so I laid on my sleeping pad everyday counting down the days until it would pass through my system. Even though I was not seeking the Lord’s voice in regards to my mom and going home, I continued onto the Philippines to start month 8 with the rest of my squad.
It was a week and a half into the Philippines where I finally received my answer from the Lord. I had just had a discussion with my squad leader Victoria about everything. I told her about the dark places my mom’s illness had taken me. I shared with her about the frustration I had felt with the Lord the month before. But then I was able to share with her about the place I was at currently. A place of knowing that God was with her and was not going to let my worst fear become a reality. When Victoria and I were done talking I went to spend time with the Lord and to seek his presence. I felt him drawing me close to him again and after opening my ears and heart, I felt him release me from this trip.
I want you all to know that this decision has not been easy for me. Throughout this trip I have most been looking forward to Africa. The majority of the books I own are about Africa. The movies I watch are about Africa and I once had dreams and desires to start a ministry of my own in Africa. But now I feel redirected and I feel so much peace about it. My family has been on a journey of their own these last 8 months. On Monday my mother is going into surgery. She will have 12 -18 inches of her colon removed. My mother has a serious case of diverticulitis. This disease starts out as diverticulosis and only 15-20% of people with diverticulosis develop an inflammatory complication called diverticulitis. 5-10% then go on to developing bleeding and my mom has moved into the 4% that develops an abscess. This condition is very serious and once I saw my mother two days ago I realized by seeing all of the changes to her, how much she has been through. I had no tears because I was so stunned…but if I had tears, they would not have been of joy, rather of pain knowing the journey she has been on has not been an easy one.
My ministry now is to help take care of my mother as she is approaching surgery and then will be recovering post-surgery. My dad has done such a wonderful job of taking care of her and to be honest, this has been a really big job for him to take on alone. My superhero of a father is not the kind of person that asks for help, but we all know, himself included that his load will be much lighter now. As long as this blog is active I will keep you all informed.
Please pray for my mom this week as she is approaching surgery. Thank you all so much for joining me on this journey. The journey continues, it’s just been rerouted. In the near future I would love to share with you about the months I didn’t get a chance to before. The Lord has done some pretty remarkable things these last 8 months and I would still love to share those experiences with you. I have many pictures to share also!
