Do you know what it feels like to wake up in the morning and know that you are fully loved by the father?
Truly, do you know? Because knowing that He loves you is not the same as accepting His love for you. For the last 18 years of my spiritual walk, I have known that Christ loves me, but simply knowing this hasn’t been enough for me to fully surrender and trust that His word is true. I thought it was ironic that during our time in Honduras, we were working at an orphanage because all the while, the Lord was revealing to me how much of an orphan spirit I have. What I mean is that for the last 18 years, I have lived under this false perception that I have to do and say all of the right things in order to achieve the Lord’s full affections.
For years I have lived under the mentality of, God will love me more “If”
If I read my Bible more. If I listen to more podcasts and worship music. If I go to church more consistently. If I get more involved with volunteering. If I tithe more and sin less. If I try harder to practice spiritual disciplines in my life. Surely these are the ways to win His mercies and affections right?
WRONG.
An orphan spirit can be one of the most dangerous places to live emotionally; it is like running on the hamster wheel, never getting anywhere or growing in any way. Orphan mentality is that in which no matter how hard you try or what you do for others, you will always have to prove yourself worthy. Worthy enough for a promotion, worthy enough for more love and affection, worthy of recognition for all that you do for others and the community, worthy of a new car or more possessions. Along with a sense of proving ourselves, a huge part of the orphan spirit is — “I better get more because there isn’t going to be enough.”
One of our jokes on the Race has been about our orphan spirits when it comes to food and while it is fun to laugh about how much we all love to eat, there is a lot of truth to the meaning behind the joke. Why are we grabbing more food when other’s haven’t finished their first serving yet? Why are we taking 5 plantains for ourselves when there are only 3 left to be shared between 7 people? Why aren’t we offering to split the last brownie instead of taking the whole thing? Why are we so scared there isn’t going to be enough, when we have never run out of food before?
Mostly, why are we questioning God and his goodness when he has never failed us?
For 18 years my orphan spirit has kept me a slave to thinking these two things.
1. God, what do I have to do in order to gain more of your love?
2. How can I prove myself worthy enough to you?
It was quite a revelation this past month in Honduras when the Lord showed me that I can’t gain more of his love until I have accepted what I already have and if I don’t accept what I already have, how can I give that love away to others as the Bible calls us to do?
The word says in John 13:34
A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.”
Friends, the love that the Father has for each of us is a gift and if you have been like me, struggling in accepting His love for you, know that He is waiting for you to open the beautifully packaged box of unconditional love he has just for you. You don’t have to read your Bible any more or any less. You don’t have to listen to 5 podcasts a day or to make it to church every Sunday. God loves you despite what you mark off the checklist you have. He loves you for who you were yesterday and who you will be tomorrow.
With a new year now upon us, my hope for not only myself but for all of you is that 2017 will be a year of unpacking and embracing the gift of the Father’s love. I pray that you all will experience the freedom that comes with embracing this gift and that you can experience giving the love of the Father away to others who need it. After all, we cannot give away to to others what we ourselves don’t have. How different it has been for me these past two weeks to wake up and receive the love God has for me. How different the lens has been that I view his children through. Oh, how much joy I have in my life because I am now allowing room for Him to work in me and fill me up with his overflowing affections. I want this for all of you too!
The Lord taught me a lot in Honduras and I am excited to share with you guys some more of what He is teaching me right now. Tomorrow, Sunday 1, 2017 — my team and I head onto our next ministry; we are now in Guatemala for the month. Prayers for more traveling mercy’s are welcome as well as for the Lord to be ahead of us preparing the way. I am so excited to see all that the Lord has in store for us this coming month and new year and I am so happy that I have a wonderful support system that encourages and supports me. Thank you all for being a significant part of 2016 with me!
Happy New Years friends! May God richly bless you all in 2017.
