The closer and closer graduation gets, the closer the World Race gets. That makes me think about my future even more. Sometimes I worry, sometimes I trust in God’s plan. I have mostly come to a peace about whatever is gonna happen after I get home. I have so many crazy dreams and possibilities of what my life will look like after the Race, but how many of these dreams will become realities? Probably none of them. In between all these ideas, I realize that when I come back, I am most likely going to be lost. How paradoxical- that I am going to go to foreign countries over the span of 11 months with a mission and purpose all to come home and be lost.
In The Road to Becoming, Jenny Simmons writes a lot about being lost. This unfamiliar concept of lostness is not taught in school, or in church. In fact, it is quite the opposite. We are taught to work hard, have goals, be self-reliant, strive for success, get a stable job, etc. But think about homeless people, people struggling with addictions, or just people who seem to be going nowhere in life. Our generation has such a distaste for those ‘lost’ people, the people without ambition or a career, or however you want to define ‘lost’ as. (Being lost is not to be confused with laziness). All of this work and planning, for what? To have a stable job so we can make enough money to provide for ourselves and to live life comfortably? This American dream of living a comfortable life has become a purpose for life for many people, including myself.
Even within the Christian culture, we have a misunderstanding that if you have faith, you will know what the Lord’s will for your life is, that you will have resolute plan for your life, or that He will provide you with a comfortable life. This ideal is simply false. Not having a stable job does not equal being lost, but it might for some people. To me, being lost means having to, and desiring to, depend on the Lord for every single day for purpose, for love, for His provisions. I am not putting down solid jobs or the like, I am simply saying that our motivations and intentions for our lives become radically different when we are forced to rely on God to provide for us, instead of relying ourselves. God will provide, but in His ways, not our own. We have to depend on Him fully, but that takes faith. Sometimes we don’t want to have faith, but we are called to have faith. God’s provision does not always equal excess or comfort or a speedy answer to our prayer requests. But God does provide by always being with us. Deuteronomy 31:8 says “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you…”. So even when we are lost, we are never alone.
When I thought of being lost, I thought of Abraham. “The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Leave your country, your people, and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.'” (Genesis 12:1) God told Abram to leave, everything. Do you think God gave Abram a map and a diagram of all the places he would go and all the trials he would endure-no. Yes, God did promise Abram that he would be a great nation and he would be blessed, but the blessings didn’t come without having to be lost first. Notice God said to “go to the land that I will show you”. The Lord didn’t say pack up and go here, to this specific place. He said go where I will show you. Being lost is like that. Lord I am here, I will go or do when you show me.
So basically, I want to be lost. I want to wait on God, without a plan, for Him to show me what to do. I pray that in the lostness I would wake up every morning aiming to tell people about Jesus, to show them His love, not to do really well at this or land this job or something along those lines. We were created to glorify the Lord. Yes, God can be glorified through mundane everyday tasks, but if I come back from the World Race lost without a plan, I pray that I would not be discouraged. I pray that I would wake up everyday with meaning and purpose of spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This concept most definitely applies to when I am actually on the race as well. As scary as being lost is, I want to be lost. I want my being to be centered around Christ, and I want to depend on Him for everything.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness…” Mathew 6:33
