I remember it clearly. It was at a retreat/conference in Florida. I wanted to be able to show on the outside what God was doing on the inside, but the tears would not come. So I sat there with dry eyes on the outside, but torn to pieces by God’s presence on the inside. It was then that I prayed and asked God to teach me how or allow me to cry and outwardly show the internal impact of His presence and impact on my life. This may seem like a strange prayer, but it was one that I desperately desired and prayed for. My heart would ache for others and I would be crying on the inside, but outwardly I was unmoved. I would see others whose hearts were so full of the love of Christ and could outwardly show it in a way that I desired to. I desired to be so in love with Jesus that thinking about Him and what He has done for me would bring tears to my eyes. That my heart would be so overwhelmed with His love for me that tears were the only response I could give. I wanted to cry with people who were hurting. And I couldn’t. So I asked God to teach me and show me.
It took me years to learn and be able to cry, but God has been faithful in answering this prayer. It did not happen overnight. It has taken me years to get to the point I am at now and I know that God is not done teaching me yet. This prayer has not been something that has remained in a forefront position in my mind and heart, but it has always been a deep and hidden prayer, but nothing is hidden from God. He knew that the prayer I prayed many years ago was still something that I desired. He knew that the tears would come in time and that He would answer when His timing was right. He is continuing to answer this prayer and continuing to teach me the powerful nature of tears to heal and comfort.
Is there something that seems ridiculous that you desire that you have been afraid to ask God for? Remember that nothing is too small or out of the realm of possibilities for our God. He is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or think. Plus He already knows the desires of our hearts. Could it be that He is simply waiting for you to step out in faith and actually ask Him?
On another level, remember that God does not always answer our prayers in our timing or in the way we think they should be answered. He waits for His timing and answers our prayers in His way, which is always better than what we could have dreamed on our own. Continue to make known to God the desires of your heart and He will answer in His time.
