Small.
Weak.
Feeble.
Useless.
Cast down.
Looked down on.
The least of the least, the lowest of the low.
There are many times that I have faced these emotions. I'm sure we all have. Times when we feel like we aren't good enough, that we'll never measure up. That we couldn't possibly be used for anything grand or purposeful.
God has been showing me lately that this is a perfect way for His power to work in extraordinary ways in our lives. When we are weakest in our own “power” and “strength,” whatever we think that is, it allows God to move in and show His. I love the different passages in Scripture that talk about how God uses our weakness, our lack of power, as the perfect platform for His glory to fall down among us.
“Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards, not many were influential, not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God- that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”
-1 Corinthians 1:26-31
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“Marshal your troops, O city of troops, for a siege is laid against us. They will strike Israel's ruler on the cheek with a rod. “But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” Therefore Israel will be abandoned until the time when she who is in labor gives birth and the rest of his brothers return to join the Israelites. He will stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the Lord, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God. And they will live securely, for then his greatness will reach to the ends of the earth. And he will be their peace.”
-Micah 5:1-5
Over the past month, these three scriptures have challenged me. There have been moments in this first month where I feel uncomfortable. Inadequate. Unable to share the life that has been given to me in an accurate way. Unsure of how to proceed. Wrestling through old lies about myself that I have bought and believed. It has left me feeling weak. Small. Feeble. Unable.
But in those moments, God has been reminding me that it is in my weakness that He is made strong. Now, it doesn't mean that I can just sit in a place of complacency and self pity, and reveling in weakness. Because we need to strive to grow, to stretch and be challenged. But God has been speaking softly to my heart in those moments that I feel completely inadequate and whispers, “Sarah, it's okay. You're exactly where I want you. Exactly where I need you. Trust me.”
It humbles me to think of how God uses us in our weakness, that He places His perfect power in our lives for His glory. I have seen it time and time again. Times where I have prayed, and His words pour through me. Words that my heart agreed with, but I knew it was the Holy Spirit just flowing out of me. It is incredible to experience moments like that. To feel His perfect power at work in my heart. To see Him at work in my teammates lives as well, and see that same power course through them.
We have seen five people come to know the Lord so far. It's not by our eloquent words, or by anything we could think to say, but entirely how God works through our obedience to step out, being willing to be uncomfortable. Being willing to open our mouths to share what God has given us, whether or not we are confident in ourselves. And God is completely glorified.
God is still working out this truth in my life, and I am sitting at His feet as I allow myself to be okay in those weak moments. To be okay with not always having the answer, or having it together all the time. Because He says I am loved, and that His power rests on me in those moments of weakness.
That His grace is sufficient for me in my weakness, and He is able to do more than I could ever imagine in those moments that I feel smallest. Because He is God, and He is sufficient. Always.
