I’m starting to realize that God has brought me to a land of mourning people, in order for me to walk through my own process of mourning. The people of Thailand are mourning the loss of their king. They loved their king. He was a very good man, and helped the people in a lot of ways. Many people saw him as more of a father figure. Because of the large Buddhist influence in Thai culture, many believe that the king is now a god. Because of this great loss, the entire country has gone into a state of mourning for a year. All government buildings and property are decorated with black and white ribbons, there are shrines for the king on every corner, and the people have been instructed to wear only black and white clothing. The amount of respect that these people have for their authority is outstanding.
Working in a government school, me and my team are constantly surrounded by acts of respect, and gestures of mourning, for their beloved king. I have been in Thailand, surrounded by this culture, for a month now. As I sit on a bus full of people, wind blowing in my face, looking out the windows at a mourning nation, it dawned on me that I myself have been in a state or mourning. The Lord has been teaching me that not only is it okay to mourn the loss of things in your life, but often times a process of mourning is vital in order for you to truly flourish in the goodness of the Father’s freedom.
I’m not going to lie, the last four weeks here have been hard weeks. They’ve been filled with uncertainty. They’ve been filled with worry. They’ve been filled with fear. I’ve had to mourn letting go of unhealthy relationships. I’ve had to mourn saying goodbye to my childhood home. I’ve had to mourn friendships evolving, and life moving on at home without me. I’ve had to mourn the fact, that whether I like it or not, I. Can. Not. Control. The. Future. This month has been a month of mourning who I was and the life I had, so that I can wholeheartedly step into what the Lord has for me.
But the most amazing part is, it’s also been a month full of tender hugs from My Love, and sweet reminders to rest in Him. Almost daily, the Lord stops me in the middle of the chaos, grabs me by both shoulders, looks me in the eye, and in the most tender voice I’ve ever heard, says, “You’re okay. Just stop. Rest in Me.” He has continually put Psalm 62:5 on my heart:
“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.”
In the midst of our mourning, He doesn’t abandon us. He doesn’t walk away waiting for us to get our life together. He doesn’t turn His back telling us that if we would just trust Him we would be happier. He doesn’t look at us in disappointment or unbelief. No. Instead he embraces us. He walks with us. He’s a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to hold. He knows, understands, and sees you fully in a world of feeling alone, misunderstood, and ashamed. And the most beautiful part of it all is, that He still loves you. He loves you 100% in the midst of your best moments and your worst.
So as I sit looking out these windows, I realize what a beautiful thing it is that the Lord brought me to a land of mourning people, inorder to be refined through my own mourning process.
