Over the past 8 months, the Lord has slowly taught my heart that home is wherever He is. That it doesn’t matter what my circumstances are, who’s around me, or where I am at in the world, with Him my heart is home. Having said that, a lot of places have become home for me during this time, and I’m sure many of you are wondering why I currently find myself “home” here in Ohio. Especially a month before my expected arrival. Well let me tell ya, it’s been a journey.
April 10, 2017, I found myself in an upper room of a hostel in Antigua, Guatemala. My team and I sat there surrounded by 10 individuals, practically strangers. Little did we know what the Lord was about to do. Somewhat timid, but expectant, we worshiped our Savior that morning, staring out the windows at the volcanos that surrounded us. And, it was in that moment that the Lord began to speak.
Because our God has a sense of humor and meets us where we’re at, logically our conversation was about movie titles and Google. He told me to Google “scorching fields”, which of course I neglected to do for a couple of days. Why would God really tell me to Google something? But man, when I did, it set the foundation of the two months that would follow.
Slash and Burn Agriculture: “A widely used method of growing food in which wild or forested land is clear cut and any remaining vegetation burned. The resulting layer of ash provides the newly-rich layer to help fertilize crops.”
Scorched Earth Policy: “A military strategy that targets anything that might be useful to the enemy while advancing through or withdrawing from an area. Specifically, all of the assets that are used or can be used by the enemy are targeted, such as food sources, transportation, communications, industrial resources, and even the people in the area.”
So here I was, having just come out of my time in Malawi (honestly probably some of the hardest months of my life), and the Lord was telling me we’re about to burn the little you have left. Scary? Exciting? Hesitant? Expectant? I honestly didn’t quite know what to think of that, but from that moment, sitting there in that room listening to Michelle (then a stranger, but now a dear friend) lead us in beautiful worship, the Lord has given me peace.
But He was not messing around. He was serious about burning every strand of doubt that may have been left within my small comprehension of my life. He told me, “I know where you’re at. I know how far you’ve come. I know where you stand. But I need you to know. I need you to be confident in who I have made you. I need you to know that the past is completely destroyed. It’s burned up, and you don’t have to fear going back there, because there is not even anything to go back to.”
The Lord brought me out of one of the hardest seasons of my life, and somehow made this scorching process one of the most beautiful things I have ever been a part of. Every time I laid in bed and felt like I couldn’t even move, every time I felt unloved and unvalued, every time it even crossed my mind to give up, He would whisper in my ear, “This is exactly where you’re supposed to be . . .” And slowly, my heart found peace in that.
Fast forward a couple weeks and I found myself so in love with my ministry, my church, my community, and the life I was blessed to live in the mountainous volcanos of Guatemala. It was at that point that the last part of the gentle whisper in my ear became clear to me. “. . . until the end of May.” I felt like for once I had finally made it. I was finally content exactly where I was. I finally loved where the Lord had me and I actually wanted to be there. But He began to speak over me, “You are satisfied in me because I’m about to ask you to do a hard thing and I need you to trust me.”
The Lord has done so many amazing things since that moment to prepare me for what was to come, and while it was by no means what I had anticipated, so much peace met me in that place that there was no way I could do anything but what the Lord had asked of me.
So today, May 26, 2017, I find myself on a United Airlines flight headed to Ohio. I don’t know what the future holds, or for how long the Lord wants me at this “home”, but I know that right now this is exactly where He wants me. He wants me to be there for my little sister when she steps into this thing called adulthood, He wants me to be there for my parents as they move and begin new seasons of life, He has reasons for me being home that I may never know, and quite honestly it shouldn’t really matter. I trust Him . . .
