As we prepared to leave the guesthouse at 10pm for night ministry, me and Papa started talking and He began to speak the name Jeffrey over me. I felt compelled to intercede for him that night, having no idea who he was or what he might be doing. As I began to pray for him the Lord started revealing things to me about him. When we go out for night ministry we go into town and spend time in the bars talking to people, building relationships with the bar girls, and interceding for the hundreds of people who our Father is in love with and have not yet found Him.
Throughout my life I have been wounded by a lot of young girls and women. I had gotten to a point where it was hard for me to be vulnerable, even with women of God. Rather than running to them for guidance, I pushed them out of my life because of the past hurt I had experienced. Very few of my friends were girls, and my trust in all women was basically out the door. I assumed at the base of every relationship, that I was unwanted and only tolerated. That you spoke love, but intended pain. That no matter how genuine you seemed, there would come a point where the truth would surface.
I found myself three weeks ago wandering through the streets of Cambodia, holding a 21 year old women’s hand, and singing Justin Beiber. I was walking through the markets and telling women, who thought nothing of themselves, that they were beautiful. I have been given the opportunity to walk the streets at night and intentionally seek out women so desperately needing Christ’s freedom.
I never thought I would be in women’s ministry. I had spent most of my life running from them. God started showing me that despite my discomfort, He had been preparing me for these divine moments all of my life. He started opening my eyes to all He has been doing over the last year. That He has given me some 15 girls back home to get to know, to love, to see in them the true value that they hold. He started reminding me of all the freedom He has given me to be a woman of God. He placed me on an all girls squad and is showing me that women of God are some of the most powerful beings you will ever encounter. God has been showing me how much He is completely and utterly in love with His bride.
So as we went out to do night ministry, I had to give my discomfort to my Papa, and I had to be fully dependent on Him. I was ready. I was ready to cover Pub Street in prayer. To intercede for the young women, and to have conversations with young girls if that’s what the Lord asked of me. Little did I know what my night would actually look like.
As I began to pray for Jeffrey, the Lord said to me, it’s one of the men in the bars. It’s one of the hundreds of middle aged white men, here because they’re looking for something to satisfy their lonely souls. Lord, You have done so much to shape my heart to love these women, and now you want me to pray for the men? I want you to intercede for him, and then go find him. Find him? I have to talk to him? Papa, I don’t want to do that.
While I was having this conversation with the Lord, completely unknown to my team, one of the other girls goes, “I keep getting the color blue. It has something to do with the color blue.”
So here I am wandering around the streets of Siem Reap, looking for the color blue, and on the hunt for Jeffrey. As we walked, we had conversations with several different people. Each person we talked to I would ask the same question of, wondering what their name was. The thing is, none of them were white or middle aged, so I was still avoiding the conversation I knew I was really supposed to have. At one point we were going to go sit in one of the bars and we decided not to. Internally I had decided praying for him was enough, and I could go without the conversation all together. We were nearing the end of our ministry time and all of a sudden I looked up, and in front of me is a middle aged white man, in a blue shirt, sitting with a bar girl in the bar we started at. I knew I had to talk to him. We walked past and I couldn’t do it. The rest of my team knew I had to have this conversation, so we sat down at the table next to him and this women.
We were handed a drink menu and the people at the table on the opposite side of us started a conversation. So again, avoiding the conversation I knew the Lord wanted me to have, I asked these men what their names were. Neither of which were middle aged or white. About this time, a second man joined the man and the bar girl. He stands up and begins to negotiate with the woman and gets out his money. I knew this moment in time was all I had. I could interrupt this transaction, or I could watch this man walk away with this innocent woman on his arm. I stood up. I walked up to the man in the blue shirt, and I asked him, “Do you happen to know anyone named Jeffrey?” We began to talk and this man started sharing his life with me. He told me that him and his friend, who at this point had walked away with the woman, were in Siem Reap looking for beautiful young women. He looked me in the eyes, and in reference to the women, said, “She’s a prostitute.” I said almost nothing the entire time, and within 10 minutes the Lord took two men ordering a bar girl, and brought them to a point of sending the women away and telling me about their wives and children.
I never did find Jeffrey that night, but I do know that I would have never had that conversation if I wasn’t looking for him. Because I was obedient to what the Lord had asked of me, even though through our eyes it seemed crazy, I was able to see a bar girl sent away and two men rethink the value of their wives and families. I may never know what happens to those two men, but I am incredibly blown away that God would choose to use me how He did.
