When I first heard that our ministry this month would be to teach English and to help construct a church building in Transnistria, I was super pumped! How did they know I wanted to teach English after the race and needed experience? Also, my long-term dream had always been to design an orphanage and help build it, so learning how to construct a building was definitely a step forward to seeing my dream become a reality!
As the month went by, my excitement for these ministries turned into a struggle and I started to question my purpose for being here. At the beginning I was so passionate about teaching. I loved how there was no expectation or pressure from leadership or parents, the classes were heaps smaller and the students who came, actually wanted to learn! It was a perfect class!
However, after the first few classes we taught, I started to dread teaching. Being with an American team was hard. I had to step back and allow the team to teach American vocabulary, spelling and how to write words in ways that I was never taught. I wasn’t able to give my input and every time I tried to contribute, a few of my teammates didn’t receive it well. The years I’ve learnt to become the best teacher I can be was taken away from me and I felt inadequate. It was the only skill I could offer and I wasn’t even able to do that. It was a real struggle.
Construction on the other hand started off as a struggle but then later became a job that I looked forward to. I was able to learn the true meaning of perseverance, teamwork, God’s love and His purpose for my life through three tasks that we were assigned to do:
- Chipping away the mortar from old bricks so they can be reused to build the church
- Pulling up the root from the weeds so they couldn’t grow again and damage the foundation
- Shovelling the concrete to break the bubbles so the foundation would be strong
These tasks were hard work and they made me realise that I was the brick, the weed and the concrete. The good grades, achievements and praise I had worked so hard for throughout my schooling to get my teaching qualification and full-time position was the mortar, root and bubbles. They had grown so tight, so deep and had surrounded my life that it became a part of my identity and I didn’t even recognise it. I was consumed with not being able to teach the way I had learnt to teach that I was letting Satan impact my attitude, emotions and purpose for being on the race. When in fact, I was doing exactly what I needed to do – learn from others, learn humility, learn how to work in my team and let others shine just like Jesus did. Philippians 2:3-5 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”
Jesus was using all His strength to chip away my mortar, pull up my root and break up the bubbles so he could get to the core of my heart and restore my identity completely in Him. He was refining me, even though sometimes I wouldn’t let go of my external accomplishments. Yet, He continues to persevere so my foundation in Him would be strong, not be damaged and be used purposefully for his Kingdom.
My identity is in Jesus, not as a teacher and I know I can rely on Him always, especially when things get tough. My question is, what is your identity in?
