For the past month I’ve been struggling with money. Struggling with the fact that I:
- Don’t have a job.
- Can’t get a job because no one will hire me for a month.
- Won’t accept any job that pays too little because I could earn a lot if I was called in to work as a CRT (Casual Relief Teacher) at my old school.
- Am teaching and sharing my expertise at a school for free.
I’ve been in such a foul mood, snobbish attitude and depressive state and I’m over it. This is not what God had intended for me this month. He has given me a heart of joy, of love and a heart to serve, and I’ve wasted it. Moaning and feeling sorry for myself, and forgetting that I serve the God of this world who promises in Philippines 4:19 that “[He] will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
It’s time to stop. Time to declare freedom from my need of money and re-step into this life of freedom and knowledge that God is my provider. In addition to this, it’s time to get over myself and give back what God has blessed me with through volunteering.
Back story: Initially, I was a little nervous about going back into school because I was burnt out from teaching two years ago and had two years off where I believed I was done with teaching. However going in on the first day, seeing familiar faces, having meaningful conversations, and team-teaching with my friend’s mum and the other art teacher, I never felt more alive and confident in my ability to teach again.
In spite of this, little reminders in the art room brought up bad memories from my teaching experience which caused me to start complaining about volunteering at the school. I noticed feelings of unfairness, pride and arrogance start to surface in me while I was at home and found myself gossiping and complaining to my friends about being the more experienced teacher in the art room and how I’m giving much more than I’m getting…
AND AGAIN – I need to stop! I cannot believe I am so blinded by the fact that this is such a perfect opportunity for me to be able to start afresh at a new school. The chance to grow in my confidence and reignite my passion for teaching again, especially before I head back to Taiwan to teach full-time. It has also been a great excuse for me to be out of the house so I wouldn’t be spending hours on my computer, looking at jobs, feeling depressed again etc. so this has been exactly what I’ve needed.
In addition, what a privilege it is to share my knowledge with someone who is less experienced than me. What a boost in my self-confidence and what an honour to be praised for my skills! Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” I’ve been blessed with great teachers, amazing schools, a wonderful education, teaching experience and a career opportunity and it’s time for me to give back. Therefore, this month, I’m going to commit to volunteering. No money (unless a CRT pops up). No more looking at jobs. No need for praise or recognition. No nothing. I’m going to joyfully work for free and put in everything that I’ve got.
Tonight is when it starts.
