It has now been a month since leaving good ole’ Lubbock, saying goodbye to the comforts of my home and stepping out in faith on the race. The first month of the race, I was placed with an incredible ministry in Jaco, Costa Rica. Now when people asked where my first country was and I answered with Costa Rica, they were always in shock that a mission trip geared toward developing countries would send teams to Costa Rica. Like, “that’s not a mission trip, that’s a vacation”. That could not be more wrong.
Costa Rica is a very beautiful place. There is so much beauty in the beaches and the mountains that many people do go there to vacation. But there is so much more need there. There is poverty and hopelessness. We spent our month working with some of the sweetest, most loving people.
Coming onto the race, I had such a different expectation of what ministry would look like day-to-day. And some months may look like that expectation….developing that foundation at the church to follow the Lord and to do great works. But this month was so different in the best way possible. The Lord is doing so much in Jaco that it was so amazing to go in and walk alongside the Spirit. We weren’t creating a foundation for the Lord to move in, He is already very present there. So we were going into a wonderful church to just be and to help in any way we could.
Some days that looked like working at a VBS with the kids in the neighborhood. Some days were spent on the property we lived on, improving it for the future racers and others who would be staying there. And still other days were just spent being present in the neighborhood, playing with the kids who came to the park, and painting at a low income school where they were overjoyed to just have a new shade of blue on the walls.
Not only did we physically do a lot of work this month, but spiritually I learned so much. In only 3.5 weeks, I rediscovered things about myself that I thought I had already worked through. It wasn’t a month for huge revelations, though there were a couple. Mainly it was rediscovering that I am not at the finish line. There have been things He brought to light in such a different way than they ever have been before, that made me really open my eyes to this process.
For example, for years I have thought of myself as a high feeler, and not a thinker. That the way I operated was needing to grow because I always thought I was basing my decisions on what I felt. But that’s not actually true in most situations. I am a high thinker. (Which is not a bad thing at all.)
It was never that I refused to acknowledge myself as a thinker, I just never put enough effort into exploring it. But now so much more about myself and relationships in the past make so much more sense. I now understand and believe that it’s okay to have feelings, that’s not a bad thing at all, but knowing that I have to “think” about my feelings in order to understand them was something so new to me.
I have always said I struggle with how to process; that I have never been able to process my emotions because I never understand what they are. But now that I am aware of how my brain works a little better,
I know that I need to just sit, be quiet, and think about it. I need to not get discouraged when I don’t understand them instantly. Its okay to not know what I’m feeling right away. It’s okay to have to take time to think about it, I need time and I now understand that’s how I process, which has been one of the best revelations of the month.
Now I can take the time I need to think about things, rather than instantly getting instantly frustrated and discouraged when I am not understanding my feelings.
There is so much more about this past month that I would love to share but am needing more time to think about the words. For now, I hope this gives some insight into what my last month has looked like. I love you all, thank you so much for all the support you have given me so that I can live this next year working with the Lord in new ways and places.
