There is something about intimacy that is scary. Actually everything about intimacy is scary. If you share too much information with the wrong person, they could hurt you. They could share that with someone else or use it against you. But, if you don’t share anything and put yourself out there you are not becoming the child of God that he has intended for you to be.
He created us for community. He created us to be ONE with our brothers and sisters. There is a desire from the Lord to have us be in a place of trust with one another that all of our struggles are known. That we can be open about what we are feeling to better his kingdom and to spread His Glory.
Let’s just say I am still not a huge fan of being open and intimate with people. I have some very large wounds that have taken years to heal from being hurt many times. So I am not one to immediately run up to people and want to share my life. It’s just not what I do.. (yet)
I have realized though, that I struggle with being intimate with the Lord. He is the ONLY person in my life who will NEVER hurt me, who will NEVER run away, He knows me deeper than anyone can without me even speaking. And that scares me. So recently I have been asking the Lord about who he is and getting to know him more. One to take the pressure off of me to be vulnerable with him every day, but also so I am able to start learning that he will share with me anything I ask.
He will not shy away from me, he will not lie, he will not deflect my questions. There will never be a moment that he asks me to go deeper with him in vulnerability and intimacy that he will not do. The Lord does not ask for us to do anything he hasn’t done himself.
The Lord has done a lot with my heart and with the wounds that I have from my past. Through many different situations many of those wounds have been worked through, they have been cleaned out, and have been healed to completion. But others are still there. I cannot say that I am fully healed and have made it to the finish line. That’s definitely not the case.
What I can say is that I am growing in intimacy with my team mates and with the Lord. I like being able to trust people and share my heart and know that these people I am with for a year are here for me and care about me and where the Lord has me. This trip isn’t about making a bunch of friends and doing crazy adventures for a year, I mean yes we do get to do those things, but this year is about growing. Growing yourself into a place of true vulnerability and intimacy with not only those the Lord has placed on your squad but also with the Lord himself. It’s about running to him in everything and being open and vulnerable about everything that you are working through on a daily basis.
