Today when my mom asked me what I did in Nepal and why I didn’t write any blogs about it, I didn’t have a pretty response: “because I was miserable there.”
It was a rough time for me after the idyllic month in India, and I’ve decided to share not only the lovely, inspirational stories of my race with you; but also the dirty, difficult, and ugly stories too.
It was cold. It was wet. We lived in a remote village that had 2 loudspeakers which blared idol worship 24/7. I woke up every night to hear this music mixed with the bone-chilling cackles of the jackals outside. And if you had to pee in the middle of the night… hah! Good luck with that.
We ate rice, potatoes, and noodles. Seven of us slept on the floor of a concrete classroom. We would go 4 days at a time without electricity.
It was so difficult for me to feel joy during my time in Nepal. In fact, it was a month of feeling completely drained and empty. Although some of my teammates enjoyed our ministry of teaching at the school we lived in, I despised it. That’s right… despised. I couldn’t snap out of the funk I was in.
And to top it all off, I wasn’t healthy. After numerous, unfruitful visits to local doctors, I finally had an ultrasound in the capital of Kathmandu to learn that I had a huge kidney stone near my bladder.
I received confusing and mixed medical advice concerning my kidney stones: one doctor told me to drink beer and jump up and down to make it pass. Another doctor told me that I needed surgery ASAP. And yet another doctor told me to wait until we left Nepal to receive the best medical care I could find.
So, I hopped on a plane with my squad to begin month 9 in Romania. I was more anxious that I’d ever been in my life: I had to find a place to stay in Bucharest as well as a good urologist who could determine the best treatment method for the stones. I was nervous, worn out, and scared.
I once thought that being a missionary on the World Race meant that every day I’d seek and trust only in Jesus. I thought I’d LOVE serving and pouring myself out to the people I met in each country every day for 11 months. But the truth is, it’s just as hard to deny myself and turn to Jesus in Nepal as it is in the States. I still need to actively choose Him every moment. And sometimes serving others every day is hard, messy work.
And now, while I sit in a hotel that I used my Hilton points to book and await my doctor’s appointment that the wonderful hotel staff helped me to book, I am beginning to feel peace and hope for the first time in a long time. There are still many unknowns: today I will find out the severity of my case and if I need to have surgery in a foreign country. But I’ve been able to have some much-needed soul rest. I’ve taken a step back, a deep breath, and, well… a bubble bath.
I am unsure what the next few days hold for me, but I am grateful to have a squad who cares for me and my health. I am overwhelmed with love when I realize how many people at home are praying for me—close friends and even distant acquaintances from my past.
I am ready to trust the Lord once again and get my strength from him rather than try to do this on my own. It’s much too difficult to navigate this race myself, because it’s absolutely exhausting to do so. Jesus, watch over my body and help me to finish strong. I need you, I need you, I need you.
