I've been sitting in a local coffee shop on this chilly Pittsburgh evening, slightly regretting my choice of ordering an iced tea (really though, what was I thinking?) Every time the door swings open and someone walks in, a brisk rush of air flows through the room and I shudder. I think to myself if I only had a snuggie right now, I would wrap myself up in it, ignore any glances that came my way, and write this post all bundled up.
There are 10 jars on the counter filled with those huge cookies (you know, the ones that are bigger than your hand) and they are STARING at me. I'm thinking that within a matter of minutes, I will give in to their sweet call. The lights are dim, and coffee drinkers are scattered about, reading books or typing on their laptops. Through my headphones, I can hear the buzz of a latte being made.
Across from me sits one of my closest friends who has played a key role in my past year. We recently felt comfortable enough with each other that we could admit some pretty ridiculous things and know that they woulnd't be taken offensively… just completely out of love. I told her "you know, when I met you for the first time, I didn't really like you. I thought you were a threat." And to that, she giggled and said "when I first met you, I felt kind of sorry for you." True love right there, huh?
It's crazy how we can let fear build up so much that we don't even recognize the beautiful gifts that were conveniently dropped right in front of us. Never would I have though that last spring when I met this lovely lady, along with many others who I met the same night, that she would become one of my go-to girlfriends. I always wanted to have a community like this, but I didn't know how to become a part of it. And that night last spring, I had my guard up more than ever, and I refused to acknowledge that these girls would be the ones who were going to carry me through a very rough road which was coming much sooner than I could have ever imagined.
Just days later, my world seemed to have come crashing down. The thing that I had been placing way too much hope in was ripped away from me in a matter of minutes, and who was it that ran in? The very thing that I thought was a threat, a disturbance in my plan. It turns out that their role was exactly the opposite than I initially thought. The hugs, prayers, listening ears, and encouraging words that surrounded me for the months to come built me up in a way I can't even describe.
I know that before and during the World Race, we are supposed to let go of any expectations that we have about it. Because our expectations WILL be completely demolished, and we could either be disappointed, or else completely miss the blessings that were right in front of us the whole time. Lately, I've found myself having a whole lot of expectations about the Race, and they have the power to bring fear and defensiveness into my heart, or else glorify the race in a way that could possibly end up disappointing me when the reality of the race sets in and it's not as I imagined.
So, I'm going to try and actively learn from the mistake I made last year. I need to start shedding any kind of expectation about the Race, whether it be good or bad. Because when blessings land right infront of me, I want to recognize them! Of course, this will be a process that will continue through the duration of the Race, and well— throughout the rest of my life.
What will I cling to, though? The expectation that God will show up. That He will create situations that bring Him all of the glory, and cause us to worship in complete awe. I expect that even in the messiest of situtaions, beauty and love will reign.
Ladies– I think you know who you are– thank you for the role that you've played in getting me where I am today. You are soo so dear to me. Love ya.
