“What do you want to do when you grow up?” has been a question that has haunted me most of my life. I didn’t know in grade school, I didn’t know in high school, I didn’t know in college, I still didn’t know after college and I didn’t know at the beginning of the World Race. I’ve never felt more than average at anything, yet I was always told to follow my “dreams” and “passions,” whatever that meant.
What happens if you don’t have dreams or passions? After college I spent months trying to figure out what my dreams and passions were. I didn’t want to end up at a job I hated and only do it for the money. That sounded like hell on earth, and wasn’t I created to be pursuing heaven on earth?
“There must be more out there,” I would tell myself almost daily as I scrolled through lists of job opportunities. I knew I loved people and learning about different cultures, but what in the world could I do with dreams like those? Who would hire a Writing Communications major with a passion for loving people all over the world? What the heck kind of job was that?
Then I stumbled upon the World Race. “THAT’S IT! THAT’S WHERE I BELONG!” I found myself in the middle of an application before my brain could even process the amount of sacrifice it would take. It didn’t matter, though; I knew I belonged there. I thought I finally had answered the question everyone was asking me: “So what’s next?”
But I hadn’t. I had put a bandage on the question—a temporary fix. I would get irritated when people started asking me, “What are you planning on doing once you get back from the Race?” My immature thought processing didn’t go past the next week, much less the next two years. “I’ve found my calling. What more do you want from me, society?” What I didn’t know then is that The World Race is just the beginning . It’s not the “end all be all” trip of my life; it’s the launch pad for God’s commissioning.
Last month in Estonia, the seventh month of my race, God caught my hand in the middle of a twirl and giggle and told me that it was time to get serious. He told me he loved my joy and fun; He did create me that way, but it was time to stop ignoring reality.
He told me it was time to start focusing on strengthening my relationship with him, and getting stronger in areas I lacked. He told me I had to be stronger before I could go home and that he’d never leave my side.
Since then I believe God is commissioning me into college ministry and discipleship. I don’t know when or where this will be, but I’m excited about it. For the first time in my life, I feel like I was created with a purpose. I believe God is training me to become a discipler for college students, and He’s prepping me to step into this leadership role. I know that before I leave the race, God will need to walk me through more brokenness and pull out deeply nestled roots in my life, but I’m ready for it.
I’m ready for the brokenness, because that’s when Jesus is strongest in my life. I want more. I won’t settle for ordinary. I won’t settle for just making money. I won’t settle for anything less than all of Jesus. I was created to be in love with Jesus and follow where He leads, and anything less than that isn’t worth the struggle. I look forward to where God will place me, but I’m not anxious about it because I know God’s plans will far surpass anything I could possibly concoct.
Please be praying for me in this new season of brokenness and sincerity with Jesus. Please pray for God to open up a position for me to step into. Pray for the training I will need, and the future community I will be looking for. If you have any words of knowledge or wisdom for me that you receive in your time of prayer, please don’t hesitate to email me. I would love to hear feedback from anyone with insight into this season of my life.
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