What title?
FLASHBACK: Training Camp, Gainesville Georgia, October 2014
“We have a new position for your squads called ‘Storyteller’ and it involves writing blogs, encouraging your squadmates, reading blogs capturing each month, and more.”
I slowly lowered my crochet project in my lap and sat up in my chair as my ears perked up to hear this new announcement. A position for a blogger? I thought excitedly. No way! During my week at training camp, I felt no desire to be a leader of any capacity for the World Race. It was my first missions experience and the first time I had ever encountered a group of people so in love with Jesus and knowledgeable about the Holy Spirit. I generally felt lost in conversations and new to everything. So leading was not on my radar, but blogging?
I majored in Writing Communications in college, worked at a publications company and blogged for fun. I already read everybody’s blogs and wrote quite a few of my own. This sounded like it was right up my alley. I confided in a friend saying, “I will be ok if I don’t get the position, and recognize that I might not out of the 54 people on our squad, but I’d love to have it.”
It’s funny how your heart’s desires and logic so often disagree. I knew in my head that I might not get it and that I would be ok if I didn’t, but my heart thought it was a guarantee.
When they announced the Storyteller position, my heart dropped. As I conveyed my sadness to a friend, he told me that I could still do all the things a Storyteller does without the title.
Lead without a title?
I had never heard of that before that moment, but unbeknownst to me it became a strong theme Jesus would teach me throughout my World Race.
In our second month of the World Race in Nepal, our Storyteller went home. Although I was sad at her departure, my heart leaped at the opportunity to possibly be Storyteller. As the weeks passed by, my heart ached that no one had even asked me about taking the position. My pride threw a temper tantrum that they could even consider overlooking me.
Looking back now, I’m quite grateful the Lord didn’t feed my unhealthy pride in that season. I was blind to my problems with authority, and still struggled doing things with joy if someone with an authoritative title instructed me to do it. I would have drowned in the responsibilities required of me and whined doing things I otherwise would have enjoyed without the title.
After month three at a Leadership Development Weekend with the squad in South Africa, the new Storyteller, Katie Kurschner, asked me if I would assist her if need be. My pride tried to tell me that I deserved the position, but Jesus quickly quieted the lies and reminded me what he told me before the Race: “Lead without a title.”
Throughout my life, I had been in multiple different leadership positions. I had never led with Jesus’ guidance, nor had I any clue what a Godly leader looked like. My leadership “style” entailed manipulation, control, power, pride, composure and entitlement. From my worldly experience, that’s what it meant to be a leader.
Jesus gently started showing me that his leadership involved serving, humility, empowerment, understanding, meekness, brokenness, patience, gracefulness and more. Everything I previously thought of “good” leadership contradicted the very nature of true, Godly leadership.
Finally after month seven in Estonia at debrief, God brought to light my pride and issues with authority. It all happened when he revealed to me that before HE asked me to surrender all alcohol, I experienced no struggle with sobriety. Before He asked me, I used to go to bars, not have a single drink and not even care that everyone around me was drinking. After God AND Adventure in Missions both asked me to avoid alcohol entirely, I suddenly struggled even being in the same room as friends drinking. I felt excluded, pitied, lame and belittled.
One night at debrief, God reminded me of the times I used to abstain from alcohol on my own accord for years without any resistance. He made it vibrantly clear that it only became a problem when I was told to give it up.
“Oh my gosh. I don’t have problems with alcohol; I have problems with authority!” I admitted in shock. I confessed my offenses to God and to my community, and started to break off the lies surrounding me.
“If you can’t follow, you can never lead.” –Authority by 116
As I stepped into a season of what it looked like to follow well in month eight in Malaysia, Jesus began revealing to me different qualities of a Godly leader. These qualities began appearing everywhere—He would speak them to me in quiet times with him, during the middle of a meal, through a teammate’s actions, etc. I was constantly downloading different Godly leadership aspects. He told me that these were qualities of His character, of Godly husbands and Godly leaders.
I began implementing these qualities into my daily life. I grew in “leading without a title.” The Holy Spirit revealed to me that my future involved leadership, but I assumed it would be after the World Race.
Fast forward: month 9, Mae Sot Thailand, September 2015
“I have one more thing I want to talk to you about,” my team leader Katie Kurschner said. “Now that I’m a team leader, I don’t think I can do all the tasks required of the Storyteller, and I wanted to ask you if you wanted to do it.”
I blinked a few times as my brain tried to comprehend the proposal.
“I’m sure you saw this coming,” Katie trailed off as she saw me slowly shaking my head, slightly perplexed at my shocked expression.
“I had no clue,” I responded slowly and began laughing.
“But,” Katie said, “I asked you to write the squad blog for me last month, and I became team leader again…and you were talking about how God was bringing you into leadership?”
“Katie. You have no idea. I tried TWICE surrendering my desire to have that position previously, but I couldn’t do it.”
“Jesus is just SO cool!” I exclaimed in awe as I recounted the story of how much I wanted the position and just couldn’t shake it. “You’re right. It seems very obvious that you would ask me to take this position now, but I genuinely haven’t thought about it once. All those times I tried to surrender it and I couldn’t, but Jesus surrendered it for me!”
Jesus waited until I depended on Him for leadership. He waited until I was serving my squad in leading by example of joy and empowerment instead of giving me a title that would feed my ugly pride. I’m excited to announce that I am the Storyteller of Q squad, and Jesus leads me through all of it.
