On our first day of ministry, I woke up and immediately fell into a net of lies. I was caught up in my worries and heartache about how cruel people act in this broken world. I believed the lies that I was useless, unworthy, stagnant, stupid and disappointing. The lies grew into a migraine that made lights and sounds painful. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone and wanted to leave. I felt like I was facing a million problems with no easy fix. I wanted to be unconscious. I didn’t want to think about anything; it felt too hard. I asked for medicine, and my teammate Krystle gave me some medication. I went to an empty room, sat down with my head in my hands, and tried to empty my mind and think of nothing. We had to leave for ministry soon, but I just wanted silence.
“What’s wrong?” Kyle’s voice infiltrated the thick cloud I had begun to build up around my migraine.
“Migraine,” I mumbled, not looking up.
“So you’ve left everyone,” he persisted, “instead of asking for help and prayer?”
Silence followed as I slowly lifted my eyes to meet his, knowing he was right.
“May I pray for you?” He asked.
I nodded slowly.
He placed his hands on my head and began praying for God’s peace to wash over me. He called out things that only God would know I was wrestling with, and asked for God’s peace to consume me completely. He replaced the lies by speaking truth over me. “Amen,” he said before walking away.
I was calm. All the worries previously suffocating me seemed distant and feasible. My problems didn’t disappear, but suddenly I more capable of living with them. Jesus overcame death, and paid my debt! Of course he can handle mean people, and any issue this life throws at me! I recalled the verse, “If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)”
Time came to head out, and I continued to pray for God’s peace to overwhelm me. We piled into the car to head to ministry at a mental hospital. As I felt peace wash over me, I felt simultaneously exhausted and relieved.
On the way there, our host told us that we needed to lead praise and worship, a testimony, and a short message. Chenea’ asked if anyone wanted to do the message, and the car was silent as we all looked at each other. I wasn’t about to speak up; my head was pounding and I’d been wrestling with the enemy since I woke up. It felt like I had just emerged victorious and exhausted from battle.
Like I’m in any state to preach right now. I thought, I’m sure someone else has a perfectly good message ready for today.
“I feel like Sarah needs to preach today,” Kyle said.
WHAT?! I internally screamed as my eyes widened in disbelief.
“I think she is well equipped for this,” he continued, “and that she can give a good message to them.”
I nodded. I could tell he was following the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and that if I were to speak in front of everyone, the Holy Spirit would give me the right words to say. I heard this truth ring in my head: God can use whatever I say for the good of his kingdom.
Suddenly, I knew what to do. I needed to preach today. Chenea’ asked if I would do it and I said, “I need to get my thoughts organized, but yes. I will do it.” I put my head down in the car, and God’s peace shut down all the distractions from the morning.
God, what do you want me to talk about today? I started thinking about how much God loves me, and how I can find it in everything. I remembered a teaching I had prepared about God’s love and how my parents had shown it to me in my life, and I considered it; though, it didn’t feel right. Suddenly I had a vivid memory pop into my head of when I would go to my childhood home after being away for a while, and my dog would come bounding towards me. A message started to fall into place, and I knew exactly what to do.
We walked into the hospital, and I experienced the most loving hugs I’ve experienced in my life. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend previously how people with mental disabilities love so well, and how those of us without these “disabilities” are really the disabled ones. We’re blinded by our own thoughts that we miss the simplicity of love. I hugged a woman with some type of mental disability, and her love and overflowing joy melted away all my worries. They were all so excited to sing with us that my emotions from the morning dissolved to nothingness.
After singing in worship and my teammate Chenea’s testimony, I walked to the front of the room to talk to everyone. I was so full of peace and joy that I couldn’t stop smiling, and all my public speaking nervousness dissolved.
“Hi my name is Sarah,” I began, “and I want to tell you a story. I have a little, black dog. His name is Shadow. Sometimes I would leave home for a long time, and when I would come back home, Shadow would hear my car and know it was me. I would go to the front door, open it, and he would come running around the corner.” I ran around the front of the crowd, pretending to be a dog, which initiated laughter around the room. “He would run as fast as he could with a big grin on his face and his tongue out of his mouth and he would slide right into me. He always was excited to see me every time I came home.
“In the same way, when we pray, ‘Father,’ we open the door to God, who is SO EXCITED to hear from us! He comes running to us, with a huge grin on his face and his tongue hanging out of his mouth and slams into us with excitement. He recognizes the sound of our voice. He knows our names and he LOVES to hear from us.
“Sometimes at home, when I was sad, I would sit on the floor and Shadow would come to me and lay his head on my knee and he would look up at me and be sad with me.” I rested my chin on my hands and looked up with the best puppy eyes I could muster. “I knew he loved me because he would be there with me when I was sad.
“In the same way, when I am sad, I sit on the floor, and God’s presence comes to me. He wraps all around me, and I know he’s there,” I said, wrapping my arms around my torso. “I know he loves me because he is there with me when I am sad.
“Sometimes when I would come home to Shadow, I would open the door, see Shadow running toward me, and I would turn and run away from him, but he would keep following me. I would run around in circles but I could still hear him behind me,” I said as I pretended to run away from a dog while imitating pattering noises. Everyone laughed and laughed as I made a fool of myself in front of them running around in circles. “No matter how far I ran away from him, he kept following me because he loves me and he loves to be with me.” I stopped running and opened my arms wide and said, “I love to open my arms to him and let him be with me because he loves me and I love him too.”
“No matter how far I try to run away from God, he’s always following behind me because he loves to be with me. When I stop and open my arms to him, I get to feel his love for me and I get to express my love for him.
“God loves to be with me. He loves to be with you too. He’s there when you talk to him. He’s there when you’re sad. He’s even there when you’re trying to run away from him. He loves you so much, and you can feel his love when you sit with him and just be with him. I love Jesus so much, and he loves you very much too.”
I put the microphone down and felt God’s spirit consume me in a joyful hug. God had a sweet story to share with his children there, and I almost allowed the enemy to steal that story from them. I almost let my worries, fears and pains rip away a story about how much Jesus loves his children, but God is bigger. I stand in victory because my teammate Kyle followed the Holy Spirit’s prompting to first pray for peace over me, and then to encourage me to give a message. I don’t claim any rights to that story because it came straight from God’s spirit residing in me, and I am so honored and grateful to be a part of God’s army. I got to share the love of Jesus with the outcast and broken in the world and stand atop a mountain of victory over satan. Halleluiah!
Are you listening to the Holy Spirit’s prompting? Are you acting on what he asks you to do? Do you believe the enemy’s lies? Replacing those lies with truth! What are the lies in your life? God freely gives you truth to trump those lies! Are you living in a community of people who strive to push you towards Jesus? We are not called to live this life alone!
Stand in victory, friends! If God is with us, who can stand against us?!
