I love mornings.
I love the quiet, the slow pace. I love drinking my coffee and looking out the window at the rain.
There’s just something magical about the hours before the clock strikes noon that make me feel like I can accomplish anything with my journal and pen. And a few pancakes.
[my happy place]
The past few days (mmm, ok weeks) have been full of nostalgia, quiet mornings, and reliving better times. Of silly moments with my best friends in high school when our biggest care in the world was whether or not the snow would cancel a basketball game. Of when I first moved to Cannon Beach, Oregon and the excitement I had for living at the beach–despite my hatred of sand. Of living a dream in Italy with my sister, where adventure was wild daisies and singing in vineyards and walking through history.
None of it to be experienced ever again except through the rewind and play buttons of my mind.
It’s so easy to forget so much of it, to recall just certain parts over and over. We tend to glamorize the past and remember only the good moments; but even the painful experiences become a part of us. It’s funny to think that I was the main character of a story unfolding and now that story has been finished, it’s ending written. I wouldn’t be who I am now without a library of moments, from preface to epilogue.
I recently finished a book of travel poems a friend gave to me after I returned from Italy two years ago (it took me far too long to read but I know I’ll be referencing it for a long time to come). I remember the feeling and excitement of being lost and holding hands with adventure. The passion deep inside me, the lust for new lands, seeing and stumbling upon new cracks and crevices. The fear of coming home and going back to normal.
For two years I’ve succumbed to normal. I’ve allowed it to overwhelm me, to limit me. Paralyze me. I don’t want normal; I long to be free again.
Soon enough, though. In four short months I’ll be exploring new lands with new people and a new purpose. No longer will I live in past memories, in longing.
What an adventure to be had, the future.
//
“my heart is warm with the friends i make,
and better friends i’ll soon be knowing,
yet there isn’t a train i wouldn’t take
no matter where it’s going.”
–edna st. vincent millay
//
You make the outgoings of the morning and evening rejoice.
You visit the earth and water it, You greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water;
You crown the year with Your goodness,
and Your paths drip with abundance.
they drop on the pastures of the wilderness, and the little hills rejoice on every side.
the pastures are clothed with flocks; the valleys also are covered with grain;
they shout for joy, they also sing.
|| psalm 65:8b-9, 11-13 nkjv ||
