Pastor Ben is an extremist and practices tough love. We often times would butt heads and not agree on things or we would just see them from different perspectives. I grew so much closer to God last month because for the first time I didn’t just take some one else’s words as truth simply because of their position in the church. I often times felt as though I was being spoken at instead of having a conversation, which was extremely difficult for me to handle at the time. When we were reprimanded on the basis of observations of half-seen situations or off opinion, my first inclination was to defend myself and present a convicting persuasive argument in my team’s defense. My team had also decided that because we were guests in his church and ministry, we were going to honor him even though it wasn’t easy to respect him at all times.
It wasn’t until Pastor Ben called me out the day before we left that it clicked for me. His words hit me like a bag of bricks to the face. So there I was, just sitting in my chair attempting to hold back my tears. I had felt like I was at the end of my rope and was about to have a break down. I told him that I needed to leave for a bit and collect myself. To my surprise, he gave me a big bear hug and told me I was like a daughter to him and that’s why he held me to such a high standard. He said that I was a very bold, smart girl and would be successful in life. However, when I do keep my mouth shut, my actions and body language scream my true attitude towards the situation at hand.
I went downstairs to be alone with my thoughts and took the time to reflect on my life, more specifically the past month. It is so easy to get worked up over situations when you feel like you are misunderstood or wronged. I had a tendency to write people off when they challenged me or called me out in a way I found to be unnecessary and unbeneficial. I learned that in life you sometimes have to remove yourself from a situation and look at it through the eyes of the person calling you out. You don’t always have to agree or be submissive to the accusation, however, you do need to listen with an open heart. Chances are that you will grow from all painful experiences and transform into a stronger person. It is not in a person’s goals that a man becomes great, but by his transitions. Through transitions you will learn to be more graceful, patient, understanding, know when to keep your comments to yourself and how to prefer others.
I told Pastor Ben the conclusion I had come to and he told me that the moments we miss in life are only a loss if we choose not to learn from them. I also realized that even when I am unable to express myself in the ways I find fitting, God hears all my frustrations and knows every side of the story. He also will never give me more than I can handle. With that said, I feel extremely strong and empowered that my experience last month did not break me leaving me bitter or with a hardened heart. In fact, last month’s experiences transformed me into the exact opposite.
