We’ve started this thing on our squad of asking questions. I think Oriolyne might have started it actually, serious questions, silly questions, deep questions and questions that there is no good answer to because you’re choosing between two bad options. It’s a way to pass the time, it’s a way to get to know each other better.
One of my teammates posed this question the other day, “What’s the hardest thing you could do this month?” I quickly said one of the things that I was a little fearful of and that actually came to pass, I got sick in Africa. I did, but I’m fine and it lasted less than a day, and that’s not what this blog is about.
While in the moment that was true I’ve been thinking about this question more and more and I think the hardest thing that I’ve had to do this month was to step out of the background. One of the things that you have to understand about our time here is that this is a country of hospitality. We have barely been allowed to do anything for ourselves, we can’t even enter a space without being offered a chair or one being brought in for us. We eat first, we have our shower water prepared for us and we don’t clean.
Sounds like a good set up, right? And it is, we’ve eaten very well, we don’t spend our time doing laundry, all of this is good. But for me (and I’m sure many others) it is incredibly uncomfortable. I genuinely tried to do my laundry here the first time and, well, it didn’t go well. Between the language barrier, them wanting to do it for us and the lack of a pela (what we used in Central America) they thought I was crazy or didn’t know what I was doing. I gave up , and the reality is as uncomfortable as I was letting them do it, they were probably just as uncomfortable watching me try to do it.
This is an uncomfortable feeling for me for many reasons, but as I was reflecting on it I think I figured out the main reason why. God knows me, he knows that I am very comfortable as a doer. As someone working behind the scenes, stacking chairs, cleaning up, or serving others who are called to be out front. I am much more comfortable serving and serving by doing. Give me something to paint, organize, clean or gather together, a task to complete and I’m happy. And comfortably positioned in the background.
It was evident, pretty much from day one here that we would not be doing any of that. Instead in the first week, I danced at the front of a line of people on the way to church with our host, I introduced our team to the city, I preached to a crowded school, was asked to pray specifically multiple times, and (despite what I wanted) was seen as the head of our group and therefore the spokeswoman.
As our time continued it’s been evident that we were valued simply for being here and the only way they wanted us to serve was to share the gospel, to pray and to teach about God. I know this isn’t new, I know that this is what we are on the trip to do, but as a person who has always seen the best way to share the love of Christ is by doing and being an example of serving, this was extremely uncomfortable.
It was during a church service, when I didn’t understand the language that God reminded me that I wasn’t here to give or do anything other than share Jesus. The preacher shared from Acts 3:1-10, the beggar at the gate called Beautiful.
I struggled when we first arrived here more than I did in Central America. I looked around at a world that was vastly unfamiliar and I wondered what I had to offer them, because the way I saw it I had nothing. Then I wasn’t even able to serve the people around me or my team in many of the ways that I had been over the course of the race. What I realized was, just like Peter and John I had to say “I have no silver and gold, but what I do have, I give to you.” And what I have —in abundance—is Jesus. Is the love of God and the story of the gospel. I have the power of prayer and all of the strength and wisdom He gives me. I have gifts and talents that I underestimate and underutilize because of fear or lack of experience. But God brought me here where I could not just hide in the background anymore. Over and over here I’m out in front of people, to sing with my teammates, to preach, to share the gospel with strangers, and to show how much God loves someone through a conversation.
I would not have learned this lesson anywhere else and because I’ve slowly, finally started to walk in it. I’ve shared the gospel and seen people accept Christ for the first time because I stepped out and shared what the Holy Spirit was asking me. And the reality is, it’s not so scary being out front when I do it with the Lord, relying on his strength and the wisdom and power of the Holy Spirit speaking through me.
I have no doubt this will be a lesson that God continues to teach me over and over on the Race, and in life. I’m only just beginning to understand the full power of the Holy Spirit working through me for the kingdom and how to listen more closely to it.
We have a little over a left week here and I’m left thinking it’s not enough, I’ve only just begun to understand this. We head to the village of the church and people who are hosting us this weekend for a few days and I’m excited to see all God will do in that short amount of time. And I’m excited to do it with him.
