It’s been a full calendar year since my World Race journey ended and what I can tell you for sure is that everything they try to prepare you for about re-entry into American life is true, and it’s still not enough to prepare you.
It’s been a very short year. Some days I can close my eyes and it feels like it was yesterday that I was sitting on a beach in Bali asking God what was next. Wasn’t it only yesterday that I hugged my squad mates goodbye in the Seattle airport? If God would have told me what this past year had in store I might not have gotten on that plane home. There have been many days I long to leave everything behind and hop on a plane to one of those places that still holds a piece of my heart. But I also know that here is where I’m supposed to be.
The past year has been full of its fair share of highs, and lows. In many ways it felt like I was a toddler clumsily learning how to walk as I tried to put into practice all that I learned in that one incredible year. Complete with moments of falling down, turning back, giggling in delight and crying out in frustration.
I was spoiled for a year. Surrounded by incredible like minded people in places most people only dream about seeing. Our only focus was growing and obeying God and bringing people to know Him better through that obedience and intimacy. We were insulated in a community unlike any we are likely to experience again. That place allowed for some incredible growth (and maybe some naivety, too). It was because of that isolation and security that even the most uncomfortable moments were met with encouragement and hope. It was a little taste of heavenly community on earth.
Home has not quite been that way. And I love home. I love my city and my state and the overwhelming convenience of life. I love my family and friends who I missed dearly while I was away. I am grateful for the absence of the rigidity of being a Christian in so many of the cultures that we lived in. And I’m grateful to be able to practice and talk about my faith without fear of arrest, or worse.
But all those things I love have somehow made maintaining a focus on my relationship with God a challenge I didn’t expect. But even as I type this I wonder if I’m not the one who over complicates it all when I believe the lies of the world around me instead of the truth that I find in my faith. I’ll admit I am guilty of giving in to fear and disillusionment and pride for the sake of convenience.
I’ve lost my way a lot over the past 12 months. But in that I’ve been reminded of the nature of God. Daily, He sweetly and gently reminds me who He is, and in turn, who I am. I remember the passion that I felt for a purpose-filled life full of community when I stepped onto that last plane in Bali. Even so, I’ve let fear and disappointment in myself drag me backwards more times than I’d care to admit.
I could go on, but here’s the bottom line, I know exactly who I am and what I want. It’s when I let my focus slip from God that I forget that truth. Fear and doubt dictate who I am and how I respond to the world if I am not diligent.
This will be my last blog post on this site, but I’d love for you to keep up with me on social media. I am trying to pursue that calling God has given me to create and do good and that seems to be the most consistent way I share what’s going on.
If you’re wondering about the practical things in my life, job, where I’m living, where my dog is living, know that God is good and I’m working at a great company at a job that I’m good at. I’m living with two incredible women of God who know how to call me higher when it needs to happen. And Love (that’s my dog) is still with my parents though I see her pretty often. I will most likely be returning to my house in Matthews in a couple of months, but then again none of my other plans this year have gone as I imagined so we’ll cross that bridge when it gets here.
I want to sincerely thank you for supporting me throughout this incredible journey. It’s been a long, wild, crazy, amazing, stupid-good ride and there wasn’t a prayer, donation, or word of encouragement that wasn’t felt along the way.
I couldn’t have done it with out you.
A final word of advice from the girl who’s spent a year trying to figure this out. Love God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul and when he tells you who you are, let that be the focus and the filter that guides your life and your choices. One of my oldest and wisest friends has encouraged me many times by helping me to refocus on what it is I believe God has called me to do. It’s sound advice that always brings me to the right decision and back to Jesus, which is exactly where I need to be.
