It’s our last full day in Thailand and I’ve sat down at least half a dozen times over the last month to write a blog. And I’ve been a little blocked — or unwilling to share depending on the day. So here I am, again trying to figure out what it is I want to share.
Personal check-in: Thailand has been great, beautiful, fun and comfortable. But I will say God has been walking through a lot with me and it’s been good, but hard if I’m being honest. It’s been a month of non-stop life here, and it’s been hard to slow down in the midst of it. While life itself has been busy the whole squad has hit a very real month 9 realization of the fact that in a few short months we’ll be home, this has come with question (and answers) about what the future will hold and how to intentionally keep living the things we’ve been walking out over the last 9 months once we get back to America.
Ministry Update: India was amazing, I hate that I can only share bits and pieces for confidentiality reasons, but I’ll just leave it at it was incredible. Ministry in Thailand has looked very different from the rest of my race, and considering I was praying for some manual labor—work in my strengths—the last couple of months you’d think I would have been a little more excited about how my month looked.
What I’ve learned: It’s all squad month and we divided up into a few different teams. I and a few others were on the B.A.M. team. B.A.M. is Business as Missions, did you even consider that was an actual thing? There’s a international organization for it and everything, it kind of blew my mind to think about. Practically what that has looked like this month is helping the Hostel here that was recently acquired by Adventures do practical things. For the second time on my race I found a good chunk of my time spent painting in a kitchen—this time working on cabinets. We also helped with research and some other projects to help the team here. I know practically we were a huge help, and I was excited as the month started to actually get to serve in something that I was gifted in, that was easy to me.
But somewhere along the way I let thoughts of not actually helping creep in. I looked around at squad mates going out and having conversations about Jesus or helping at an orphanage and believed that what I was doing wasn’t actually for the Kingdom. I forgot that I was excited about a month that looks very practical in relation to what life might look like when I get back home. My days looked a lot like having a job and still figuring out how to do all of the other things I want to push into. I forgot that helping this business that is being built for the good of the Kingdom is a very practical way to serve. As a girl who is very much about practical Kingdom work it’s shocking to look back now and see some regret and disappointment.
I know that some of this is just straight lies. But I also know that some of this is that I actually failed some this month. And that’s okay. Because I learned some incredible things about myself and what I want and need when I get home. What were some of those lessons, those failures?
I didn’t prioritize time alone with God when things got hard, but now I know that always needs to be a priority. (This is not the first time I’ve learned this on the race.)
I learned that living with 24 people that I love and enjoy spending time with is great for a lot of things, but if I’m not careful it becomes a distraction.
I saw what it was to have a few weeks of non-stop scheduling—which will undoubtedly happen when I get home—and that its ok not to have perfect days.
I blew my personal budget in a way that I’m still shaking my head about and was reminded that in order to stick to a budget you have to be intentional.
I was knocked on my butt by some wounds that I thought were healed, but what I learned was sometimes healing is a lifelong process.
I haven’t posted a blog in over a month, it’s olay to take a break…sometimes.
Ultimately I look back on the month and see little failures, big failures and a lot of important lessons about life and who God is calling me to be. There was some pain this month in seeing some old hurts come out in ways that I don’t care to share, but God is good and in the midst of the failure and pain he taught me some incredible lessons. I lived and walked in grace, pure unconditional grace this month—still am.
I’m not sure if I’m being clear, but I am being honest. Please don’t read this and think that is all there was this month, or that I’m sitting in a place of regret and failure. I had an incredible month, I’m closer to where God is calling me to be and got some incredible insight. But every month, every day on the race isn’t pretty just like in life every day isn’t pretty or easy. And it’s in those moments that God teaches us the most. He uses our pain and mistakes and stubbornness to walk us through lessons we can’t learn any other way.
I’m sad to leave Thailand, and maybe even a little in denial as I mentally prepare for 3 days of travel and my last two months of this crazy adventure. But I’m also leaving Thailand filled up and ready for these last two months and everything that follows after.
So here we come Malaysia. Please pray for our squad as we part ways with new teams. As we prepare for 3+ days of travel on a variety of methods—bus, train, ferry and who knows what else. And as a couple of our squad are staying behind because of an injury (you can read more about that here http://juliaglasgow.theworldrace.org/index.asp?filename=a-back-brace-for-my-birthday )
Thanks for reading, and if your reading this on my blog page you can see that I’m only a few hundred dollars away from my final financial goal. If you feel led please consider making a donation of any amount to help me finish my time here fully funded.
Praying for you and that you can see your failures today as room for grace,
Sara
