I remember before I left for the Race, I read a blog that was about a struggle with God, fear of the huge…seemingly impossible…task ahead that God was calling her toward. When she finally broke down, she prayed a simple prayer, ‘Lord, just promise me there will be beauty.’
This became my prayer as well. For this Race, this season, this journey. But even more so, it has been this month.
It has been a stretching month, seemingly to the point of breaking, on many levels:
In physical strength. Our ministry this month has been manual labor – primarily in a remote village. This required a trek of 14 river crossings which was about 5 hours of intermittent hiking and fighting river currents, at times the depth of the river requiring us girls to swim across. We then worked carrying building supplies (sand, rocks, and water) to make bricks up a steep mountainside to provide an additional classroom to the village’s school. The hike back was a different path, going over the mountains instead of crossing the rivers. The path was incredibly steep – both going up the mountains and then back down, followed by an insanely bumpy 15-hour bus ride.
But even with the physical challenges that was one of my worst fears about coming on the Race, I was in awe of seeing the sweeping views that few people will ever see – in the middle of nowhere Nepal. I truly felt every prayer from those at home praying for my back…God taking me to a place where I had to pray for the strength for every physical step. On the other side, He has again proved faithful. Every time. Always. Even when there is pain. That is beauty.
In comfort. In the village, we spent over a week outside – working in the sun and water, bathing in the river, doing laundry in the river, and sleeping in wet tents in cold damp nights, and eating mostly rice….lots of rice….with potatoes and noodles to shake it up. It is amazing how quickly you can get tired of rice.
But I loved the mist that settled over the mountaintops every morning, the moonlit nights, and skies so clear you could see the galaxies. I loved life by the river – called Soonjora, the Golden River – and hear the water laughing over the stones, being reminded of God’s voice being like the ‘many waters’. That is beauty.
In community. Constant 24/7 community can be a huge challenge, no matter how much I love my team. It becomes even harder when homesickness hits and on days when I would rather not choose to fight for the four other girls I find myself doing daily – if unconventional – life with. Sometimes, even in the middle of community, a place you would least expect it, you still find it: loneliness. But this is where He has placed me. These are the people He has put in my life. This is the journey that He has chosen.
In a team of five strong women – each of us completely different from each other – God has been refining us by each other and uniting us in a sisterhood of love for each other. Community is also sweet, and when God is the center, it is beauty.
In spiritual attacks. This month, the attacks came softly…as regret…with all of the ‘what if’ questions. All of the opportunities that were left in pursuit of something greater, the relationships I ran from, the sickness and pain of loved ones back home that are in my heart but am not there to share. In the day-to-day, in the exhaustion of carrying yet another sack of sand from the beach, the language barriers, and even the constant hunger from a diet of rice, this journey often doesn’t seem to be that ‘something greater’ that my soul craved. The question came one night around the campfire: ‘what if I made the biggest mistake of my life?’ What if I had stayed home had had a normal life? Why could I not be content with a normal life?
God didn’t ask me to understand, He asked me to follow. At the edge of yourself, you will always find God. That is beauty.
This has been an amazing month. It has been constant changes, frustrations, exhaustion, pain, and joy. Today, even in the middle of a lot of physical pain and emotional struggles, I have to admit: there has been breathtaking beauty.
Where is the beauty in the middle of your pain? He is always faithful to bring the dawn. He carries healing in His wings. During challenges, He places beauty as a reminder of His constant love and care. He is faithful: to your well-being, to your dreams, and to His promises.
