I sometimes struggle with faith.
Not faith in my salvation, but everyday faith – real faith that sustains through loss, sickness, and pain. Of faith that God is so much bigger than the visible, tangible world. Of a faith that makes the day-to-day worries of life fade. Of keeping perspective of an eternal hope.
Some days life overwhelms.
There are days when the unexpected hits as a whirlwind. There are the days when there is loss and grief. There are days of physical exhaustion and emotional insecurities. And some days are all of those things and more. Some days, life is heavy.
More than understanding, I want faith.
The first time I ever visited Colorado, I hiked the 12,000 Flat Top Mountain Wilderness to the infamous spot known as The Devil's Causeway. Unknown to me at the start of the hike, it is not for the faint of heart or those afraid of heights….I am both. Even those lucky people who are not afraid of heights find themselves crawling on their hands and knees across it.
The start of the hike followed a crystal clear deep blue lake with fields of brilliant wildflowers and tall pines, with the trail sloping gently.
Slowly the trail began to change and the inclines became steeper. The terrain changed and we began climbing to a height where trees became sparse. And still the trail went higher, and steeper. The trail started making sharp switchbacks due to the steepness of the mountainside. I frequently had to stop for rest due to altitude sickness.
We finally reached the plateau at the top of the mountain where you could see for unending miles – the view was breathtaking. The plateau was fairly wide, but portions were much too narrow for my liking, with cliffs on either side.
I was proud that I had conquered the hike, but my friends laughed at me and continued to walk along the plateau. When we actually reached IT, I understand why they had laughed – there was no possible mistaking, and it was appropriately named. The Devil's Causeway is a tiny strip of rocky land, 4 feet wide at most, with cliffs plunging down hundreds of feet on either side.
Photo credit: colorado-lifestyle.blogspot.com
I wish I could say I had been brave enough to make it across the causeway that day, to admire even greater sweeping views on the other side. I was not.
I find that faith often follows a road like this one. Gentle at first, the road becomes steeper as God calls us to go deeper with Him, to be refined and healed by His presence. The deeper we go, the more we find God's fierceness, his wildness. As we keep choosing to trust, suddenly we are presented with something to which seems totally out of possibility. The immediate response is no. 'God, I can't do that – are you crazy? You know I am scared of this…you know it is one of my worst fears. I can't even deal. I am not doing this. Not. Not, not, not.'
I am so thankful that God does not give up, He continues to gently but ever so insistently call us – never content with our 'no'. He gives us rest when we get overwhelmed, and then encourages us to start again. When frozen in fear, His soft voice breaths life back into our limbs and we continue our baby steps forward. One scared small step after another scared small step, until we find that we are walking in confidence.
Faith gives joy.
I did not cross The Devil's Causeway that day, but am now facing causeway of a different kind – a truly narrow road. Fear says (and sometimes shouts) that this may kill me. It may surely kill parts of me, but this time, I want to step out despite fear. I want to prove and know God to be faithful. The road I see before me narrows sharply, and I am frightened. But I choose faith. I still choose Him.
What if we chose to believe God is who He says He is. Every day.
What if we found that one of the gifts we receive for our faith is uncontainable, inexplicable joy.
What if joy takes over and we suddenly find ourselves dancing on each of our own causeways – safe in His hands.
