It is official we are over halfway through our Race!! I know! It seems like it has gone by so fast, doesn’t it! Thank you for following my kingdom journey and for all of your comments through both Facebook and through my blog. I love opening up those pages or talking with my Dad and seeing or hearing about how much everyone is enjoying walking alongside me in this journey whether it is from home or in person. My team and I are now in Oshakati, Namibia. It is all the way in the far north part of the country just south of the Namibian-Angolan Border. We have only been here for a couple days so far and are looking forward to what God has in store for us here. Now as many of you may know we left Gaborone, Botswana over a week ago now. I have to say that it was one of the hardest places to leave. I hope that, God willing, I will be able to see our friends there again one day. I miss them all so much and continue to pray for them and Kingdom City Church. God is moving so much there and I’m excited to see where He takes them.
So the question is where were we in the time between when we left there and now. The answer is Swakopmund, Namibia! We had a four day debrief this last week. We were in a beautiful little city on the Atlantic coast. Our amazing coaches Matt and Kathy Almeter joined us there from the States. We were also surprised by one of our Alumni Squad Leaders, Justin, who showed up at the train station to meet us as well. We had said good bye to him and Crystal at the end of our time in Zambia and had not expected to see either of them again until possibly our final debrief in Vietnam in 5 months.
Now you may be wondering why I just spent the last five minute only to tell you that we were essentially on a mini vacation at a beach in Namibia. As I have shared with you in the past God uses our time of rest to teach us some of the biggest lessons. This time was no different. It came in several different ways but was so evident. Over the course of the last couple weeks, especially with us reaching our halfway point, there has been one question that almost all my conversations have either started or ended with. What are you going to do after the Race? …I think that I have actually lost track of how many times I have been asked that question over the last two weeks. This has led to lots of conversations about what passions God has given each of us and where He might or has called us after the Race. There are so many emotions tied up in these conversations. I am so excited to see what God has for each and every one of my squadmates, I am a little sad that we are already on the second half of our journey on this Race, and I am a little overwhelmed trying to discern what exactly God’s purpose is for my life. Now I know you are probably curious about what God has for me when I finally do get home and I know that eventually I will have a more solid answer for you. Right now I don’t have all of those answers for you yet. I do however have one for you.
As I said I have spent a good amount of time pondering on what exactly God’s purpose for my life is. I have heard the typical “church” answers of we are all here to love God and to love one another. That is definitely true that we are here to that, but that is not our main purpose. Sitting in a room with my squadmates on our first full day of debrief this was the topic that our coach Matt spoke on. What he told us was one of the best reminders I have has in a long time. Our number one purpose in being on this earth is to BE loved by God. We can only love because he first loved us. Our purpose is to be loved. How powerful is that statement! Does God have plans for our lives? Most definitely, He does. However, those plans are not our most important purpose. If our purpose is to be loved then there is nothing and I mean nothing that we can do, that will keep us from fulfilling His purpose for us. No matter what we do He loves us. His love is not contingent on anything. There is nothing we can do to earn it and there is nothing we can do that will cause Him to stop loving us.
One of the passages in Scripture that has really stuck out to me this last week has been 1 John 4:16-19. It says, “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” For me this passage has really tied into my struggles with fear. As the verse says there is no fear in love. He loves me so much, so there is nothing for me to fear. He has literally driven out my fear through loving me. I spent the majority of the rest of our time at debrief meditating and praying over this topic.
The day after Matt’s talk I spent the morning alone walking along the beach. I eventually found a bench that looked out over the water. Just sitting there I could feel the spray as the water crashed up over the rocks, smell the salt of the ocean, and hear waves as they rolled into shore. I sat there on that bench for an hour and a half just enjoying the breeze and reading through 1 John. Sitting there I could see and feel just how much He loves us. There was a sense of reassurance that no matter what happens or how many time I mess up the only thing that truly matters is that I remember that I AM LOVED. At the end of the day we had worship as a squad out on the beach. Worship is such a beautiful way to experience Him. We found out later that our voices traveled back up to shore and that many of the people who either live or were staying in the area stepped outside to listen. What can I say God moves in amazing ways! Anyway, after a couple songs they invited us to move around and just spend some time with God and enjoy the beauty of where we were as we worshiped. I found myself standing up to my knees in the water. As I have done a couple times in the past I want to share with you what I wrote in my journal that day.
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1/31/17
We did our worship time on the beach this evening. You really showed me so much today. After a couple songs, during which I might add that I was really rather distracted, they told us to go and enjoy where we were at for a little while and just be with God. I went down to stand in the water. I was holding my skirt up so that it wouldn’t get wet. Whenever a bigger wave would hit I would step back in hesitation. It was then that you showed me how to let go. You told me to let my skirt down. I responded that I just didn’t want to get wet. Your response was so special. You said, “So what? Who is going to care that you get wet. Just let go.” I closed my eyes. I could feel the waves hitting me. Standing there with my dress and my shorts wet you told me to trust you and that you wouldn’t let me fall. You showed me that there is absolutely no reason to fear because you love me. You brought this last month and the messages from this debrief together. We are here on earth to be loved by you. That is our first and biggest purpose. Fear is the opposite of love and to love is to know you and be loved by you. Your love comes with no strings and no conditions. You love me and your children in spite of anything we may do. There is nothing we can do or say to earn you love. You give it freely and fully. While we are made to love you and one another we could not do so if you had not first loved us.
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Over all this has been an incredible week and I feel like even in such a short amount of time God really can make the biggest differences in our lives. For me today that has been the an incredible reminder of just why I have nothing to fear. We were reminded that faith reasons from God and His word where as fear comes from self and circumstances. As long as I have faith in God and the love that He has for me I can see around the circumstances and keep them from overcoming my view of myself. No matter what we do or say there is nothing that can possible change the way that God sees us. Yes he has a plan for us and it is exciting to know and anticipate what exactly it is. It is good to remember that God know us inside and out. There is nothing we can do that will keep Him from accomplishing His plan for us. He already knows what we will do and when we are going to mess up. So there is no way that we can miss or mess up what He has for us. Regardless of what His plans are for our life, the number of time we stumble; the single most important thing each one of us needs to remember is “I AM LOVED.”
