As you all know my team had many struggles last month. We are told over and over that God uses our struggles for good, that while we might not see it right away, it will all work together for His good. This is a statement that I will fully agree with. It could take week, months, or even years to see how He uses our struggles, but He does. What we don’t hear nearly as often is that God uses the calm after the storm even more. This is a lesson that I am learning fully this month. We have been so blessed this month. We have amazing hosts, an awesome church full of friendly people, and a good amount of time to sit with the Lord.
Being that it is January, the first month of the year, I have had many people asking if God has given me a word for this coming year. This is the first year that I would even have a clue as to how to answer that question. My answer is OVERFLOW. When I first got the word I was excited and filled with anticipation. My mind immediately went to the most common perception of the word, as I am sure most people would. The image that was running through my mind was the image of a cup spilling over. The whole idea of my cup overflows. That phrase almost always has very positive connotations. I started asking God and trying to find a verse to go along with this awesome word that He had given me. I looked up overflow, I looked up abundance, I looked up anything I could think of that would come up with something along those lines. While the verses I found were powerful and really good, I knew that none of them were the verse I was looking for.
I was missing something; that much was becoming clear. Come this last Sunday I felt like I was at a loss. I still couldn’t figure out what I was missing and why I couldn’t find the right verse. I was confused as to why I had this amazing word and I had no context for it. My mind was at the point where it felt pretty scattered and I was having a hard time trying to figure out what I could do about it. I had been slated to help with kid’s ministry along with one of my teammates the day before, but that they might not need us to help. I had looked forward to it and was excited to be going to our first Sunday service here in Botswana. When we got to church we were told that while we were both welcome they did not need both of us there and if one of us wanted to attend the service we were welcome to. I spent the entire time we were setting up church (they hold services in a school) to decide where I felt like I was supposed to be. I had talked to my teammates about it, but my head was so scrambled that I feel like I probably missed most of what they had told me to think about. I had been told to ask the Holy Spirit what I should do. This idea still being new to me I struggled to figure out what I was being told. I felt like I was supposed to go to service, but I was confused as to the outcome of that decision. With everyone else helping I wanted to feel like I was being helpful as well. So while I didn’t have a lot of confidence as to why, I did go to service.
In the long run I am very glad that I did. Pastor Matthews’ message was about putting everything in the hands of God. After having spent some time in worship and singing, my mind had a chance to settle a little bit. While still a little scrambled there was one clear message that got through to me: There was something, maybe more than one something that I was holding onto that I wasn’t putting in His hands.
I knew that it would take some time to process and to try to figure out what exactly that meant. However, I also knew that it would not be easy and it would not be a pleasant experience. After church we were asked if we wanted to go to The Hub or go back to the house. I was all for going to The Hub where I was sure I could avoid, or at least put off what I at this point saw as inevitable. My teammates however had designs on going back to the house and taking nice afternoon naps. So overruled and not overly happy about it I returned to house. With my teammates all enjoying nap time I sat in front of my computer once again trying to figure out what God was trying to tell me. I was still trying to fit what God had given me in to my little box of happiness and joy. After about an hour I had finally realized that the box I had imaged was not the right size and that no matter what I tried it was not going to fit. The only conclusion I had made that felt like it had gotten me somewhere was that the something or things I was not putting in God’s hands was directly connected to my struggle to find the right verse for this upcoming year.
A couple hours later we were sitting in the living room having team time. My indecisiveness and my decision to attend service instead of helping with kids came up while we were doing what we call check-ins and feedback. Check-ins is when we go around and tell each other how we are doing physically, emotionally, and spiritually, no beating around the bush, but straight up honest answers. Feedback is when we all have the opportunity to give our fellow team members either constructive or affirmative words in a positive and loving atmosphere in an effort to help each other grow. The situation coming up in feedback as something for me to work at I tried to explain a little of how I had come to that decision and let them in on just how scrambled my mind felt. I wanted to continue the conversation and try to explain more and clarify things, but had decided that I could have it just with the teammate who had brought it up. We continued on to check-ins and as I listened to how everyone was doing and one of my other teammates talked about her word for this year. She made a short reference to my word OVERFLOW and another woman’s word. In what felt like a split second I knew. I knew exactly what I had been missing the entire time: the word overflow is not always an easy or happy word.
I was suddenly overwhelmed with the image of a man made dam. It looked like it had been there for quite a while, but it was also well kept. There were so many things wrong with that picture. The first was that the dam was stopping the flow from running the path it was supposed to. My original thought was that, “well that is what dams are for they avert water to be used for other purposes.” However, there was a second part to this vision. The second part was when I saw this well built dam fracture and break. When it broke everything that was being held behind it overflowed and eventually evened back out to flow the way it was intended to. I didn’t know what the dam was or what it represented, but I knew exactly what the meaning behind my word was. While I had originally planned on only speaking to my one teammate God led me to spend the next thirty minutes sharing my day and experiences with my whole team.
You might ask “what does this have to do with the title of my blog and my first comments?” It has everything to do with it. As I said God most certainly uses our struggles, but He uses the calm after the storm even more. In the midst of struggle there is precious little time to reflect or process all that is happening or has happened. It is often impossible for us to see the barriers that we have placed on ourselves. The only way to see them and break them down is God. We can’t do it alone and only God can show you where to look. One of our hosts and friends made a comment during a silly conversation me and a few teammates were having impacted me in a way that was completely outside what we were talking about. He said that it was the kind of conversation that you only have after you have struggled for a month and finally came to a place where you feel safe and have had time to relax. God uses the calm after the storm. We are reminded that he never gives us more than we can handle. He knows when to give us life altering emotional challenges to work through. He uses the calm to shape us and move us along the path that He has for our life. In the midst of my calm safe space, He has finally shown me my verse for 2017. Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
