Last Tuesday, I was in a tizzy.
For background, this month, our team, “Las Libertadoras” were assigned to a remote Caribbean Island in Colombia. I’m by and large more of a mountain and crisp, fall weather person than a beach and heat person, but I’m not complaining. A sea of seven colors, real showers and friendly islanders? I’ll take it.
As far as missionaries go, we’re pioneering this territory- essentially getting the foot in the door for future ministries and a possible drug rehabilitation program. With that, it’s a stark contrast from our last month at the established ministry where we had a concrete schedule set out before us everyday.
Additionally, our housing, though a beautiful blessing, is seated in the heart of the ghetto. Locals and police officers have constantly stopped to warn us not to walk around.
Two words: CABIN FEVER.
Between our ministry times in our humble abode, we spend our time ministering to the arch other and working through our baggage. The race is equal parts an intensive discipleship program as it is mission work, and this happens to be the perfect time in life to do it. I once read a great schpiel on it stating: “Take your 20’s and learn. Be a sponge. Be teachable. Be formed. You have the rest of your life to work a full-time job, pay a mortgage, start a family. Don’t rush into a career. In your 20’s, find people who will pour into you, disciple you, and develop you.”
In a program like this, one month of life can yield a year’s worth of growth. In the midst of all this growth, it can occasionally feel like the middle of an open-heart surgery- insecurities and flaws exposed like blood vessels and thumping red organs.
Feeling the heat of the cabin fever and sitting in the catastrophe of exposed emotional guts, I was in a mess of tangled stitches. When I’m in my little tizzies, I have a go-to atmosphere set up: wild curls tied back, lavender tea- if I’m fortunate enough, fan blowing, music playing while I pace back and forth and pray aloud like a mad woman. (Weird, I know.) I’m sort of a busy, constantly moving fireball, so the kneeling quietly by the bedside thing doesn’t work for me, and pacing is a great workout all in the same.
I was standing back looking at a the growth I had yet to do, and amidst my mad pacing, The Lord breathed a calmness into me the way He always does. I felt Him gently whispering the phrase: “build or tear” into me.
A man named Paul once wrote something along the lines of: “If you have everything but love, you had nothing.” Between all of the areas where I still have yet to grow sits the cornerstone where I can choose to build up or to tear down.
What am I doing with my thoughts, my words, my actions? Am I leaving my hands open and covered red in the clay in which he can build something beautiful, or am I just making mud pies which slip through my fingers and splatter to nothing?
If I stopped focusing on all of the areas where I still need to grow and putting everything through the filter of whether or not what I was saying, doing, thinking is building up or tearing down, so many other things would begin to fall into place. In essence, so many parts of me could be an enemy to myself and to others if I let them.
For beginners, the one of the greatest beasts of human nature is self-inflicted pain. Our thoughts can easily snowball us into a downward spiral until we feel lonely, useless and awful about ourselves and others. I once applied for an internship with the city of Chattanooga and didn’t get it. A friend of mine reminded me, “What makes you think you’re qualified for that internship? You’re competing against all of these sharp-minded people who were at the top of their classes all through school and have won so many more awards. Your resume isn’t very impressive either.”
That friend was myself. Instead of being my own best friend and saying to myself what I would say to my friends to encourage them, I talked to myself (in my head) in a way that people don’t even speak to their enemies. Tearing down: 1 point, Building up: 0 points
Here’s another. What if you are trying to have a conversation with someone know who you run into at the bank? Instead of reciprocating like you had hoped, they instead seem really short and distracted. They could be having a bad and stressful day and are probably in a hurry, but instead you assume that they are a snob and that they must not like you. Tearing down: 2 points, Building up: 1 point
Think about this one. There’s this one person who just rubs you the wrong way. There’s no real reason to dislike them, but there’s something annoying about the sound of their voice, the way they look or the way their mannerisms that make you want to cringe. A subconscious part of you wants to jab at them, so you make little comments that seem innocent and matter-of-fact knowing that you’re hitting their Achilles heal. For one, you should probably work on your habit of passive-aggressiveness, and also that’s 3 points for tearing down and 0 for building up.
This one is for the ladies. I’m not saying men aren’t guilty of this, but I know my own gender pretty well. You know that sneering look or the eye roll or the raised eyebrows. Maybe the undercutting laughing snort is more your style, or if you’re more of a grits and Dixie kinda girl it’s: “Bless your heart!” If a picture is worth a thousand words, then that death glare is worth 10,000 bullets from an AK-40 straight into the gut.
Imagine that you’re with your boyfriend at a party, and his ex-girlfriend walks into the room. The worst part is that she’s a knockout: long hair beautiful eyes and a smile that lights up the room. On top of that, she has a sparkling personality, and everyone gravitates to her. She and your boyfriend ended on good terms and she’s dating someone else as well. Nevertheless, the heat pumping out of your pulsing heart is shooting off like a siren that says: THREAT.
Instead of identifying her as another person with her own soul and her own emotions, you see her as a competitor, and you definitely don’t want to be added to her fan list, so the entire time, you’re watching her out of the corner of your eye and giving her the look just to make sure she knows where she stands. Tearing down: 4 points, Building up: 0.
I can’t personally relate to all of these examples, but I know my race of the human nature very well. I know that I can’t even count the times when I have let blessings pass me by for the sake of focusing on what isn’t there. I know I have been my own worst enemy before (especially in the teen years). I know that I haven’t always chosen to love people when they’re so difficult to even like.
With this in mind, I’m challenging myself and you to walk in this basic habit of building up rather than tearing down in every arena of your life. You may find yourself drifting wayward in the first few days. That’s okay. When you recognize it, simply pull yourself back in. It’s part of the process. Decide every morning a new way you want to make people (including yourself) feel like the valuable creations they are- bonus points if it’s someone who you don’t particularly like, and the way, talking about how someone is very irritating, but you’re giving them grace or tolerating them doesn’t count as giving grace. That counts as talking about someone and then expressing how good of a person you are. That doesn’t go in the building up category.
Eventually, focusing on the good, the light, the building up will change the posture of your heart and the way that you feel. Then, you will be surprised with how much the attitude becomes contagious. If you feel led, write down your progress so you can see how much you’re growing.
If you really want to put a smile on my face, keep in touch with ,e and tell me about your journey. Don’t get overwhelmed by it. Remember that the point is to simplify everything to this basic filter:
love or hate
forgive or hold a grudge
encourage or discourage
chase darkness or chase light
build up or tear down.
