One of my squad leaders shared something with our team last month in Jaco, Costa Rica. She said that since fear isn’t an emotion from the Lord, it is an emotion often used by Satan in opposition to something the Holy Spirit is trying to do in or through us. The greater the fear, the greater the purpose of Holy Spirit beyond that fear. Therefore, we ought to pinpoint where our fears lay and run full force into them, trusting that the Lord has something waiting for us on the other side. Out of our deepest fears can often come some of our most refining moments as well as the discovery of new gifting, callings and spiritual gifts.
So you’re probably wondering what my biggest fear is, right?
Well, for most of my life I’ve been terrified of singing, being around music, and being in situations where I felt pressured to sing…car rides with friends, birthday parties, dances, etc. Everything about singing was uncomfortable to me. I didn’t think I was any good. In fact, I thought I was horrible. Throughout high school, I was even too scared to sing in front of my best friends.
It even manifested into a fear of worship. I dreaded the first 15 minutes of youth group, or any church service. For years, I would simply mouth the words, pretending to sing while not making a sound, fearing that if someone heard me sing, they would reject me.
Freshman year of college, my roommate introduced me to a song on her ipod that we would listen to pretty much every day while we studied. Having a different roommate sophomore year, I forgot about the song we would always listen to…until I heard someone playing it on the guitar one afternoon. Getting up from my desk and walking out into the hall, I realized it was the girl next door. I wanted so badly to be able to play that song, and over the next week, she spent hours teaching me. I remember telling myself that I wanted a guitar even if it was only to be able to play that one song. So I bought a guitar, and slowly but surely, I began learning how to play a more songs, eventually learning how to play worship songs.
Enter this past year of my life. One day I receive a phone call from our worship leader at church asking me if I’d be willing to play guitar the following Sunday for worship because he was going to be out of town. Having absolutely no confidence in my abilities and still feeling somewhat uncomfortable with worship, I had to remind myself that this was an opportunity to glorify God and serve my church. So I said, “Sure, no promises that I won’t mess up, but I’ll try.” And as I stood on stage, playing with the rest of the worship team, God began laying the foundation and building my confidence in the musical talent He’s given me.
Fast-forward to the World Race. I brought my guitar assuming it would be used by someone else on my team or on the squad. I imagined playing some on my own every now and then, but I imagined worship would be left up to someone else. However, after being empowered several days into the race by the people on my team, I found myself leading worship for my team in Costa Rica, playing during our all-squad worship night in Nicaragua, and at the local church my team has been helping out with this month.
And as I have taught other people how to play guitar, there are moments where I need to sing for them so they can figure out the timing of their strumming, and I often have to sing while I’m playing for worship to help cue the other singers. Stepping out and doing the little things has opened the door for people to speak life into an area that I used to keep so hidden. I have had many people tell me the opposite of what I’ve always believed, that I actually have a good singing voice, that I can hear music really well and am not tone deaf. Having truth spoken into this area of my life has created a comfort with singing that I thought I would go my whole life without experiencing.
In Granada, Nicaragua (during debrief at the beginning of the month), we were all given the option of joining 1 of 4 committees. Evangelism, Party Planning (planning all squad events), Healthy Living (in charge of workouts), and Worship. A year ago, I would have chosen any of those options instead of worship, but after the meeting I found myself walking, without hesitation, to the “Worship” corner. I was facing my deepest fear, but I didn’t even realize it. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal. Over the past four years, the Lord has been gently directing my path and introducing little opportunities so that during this journey I would be able step out of the fear I’ve clung to for so long and into a new season of my life, a season where my musical talents are acknowledged and used to worship the Lord and draw others into His presence.
“Beyond our deepest fears is a journey towards the greatness the Holy Spirit is guiding us into.”
So I challenge you…What do you fear? And are you willing to step into that fear, combat it, and discover what the Holy Spirit has for you on the other side?
